Anime Souffle featuring video games
by Bloody Phoenix
Summary: The casts of Zoids, G Gundam, Yu Yu Hakasho and the games Zelda and Star Fox are sent to an island against their wills to entertain me on my vacation! Brought to you by caffeine and sugar. C'mon please R&R it won't kill ya I guarantee fun or ur mony back!
1. Zap!

Anime soufflé!  
Featuring Video games Too.  
  
After incredible battles with my writers block that involved all kinds of explosions and a few casualties I've finally. lost miserably so instead of carrying on with my murder tale. (hopefully coming soon to the fanfiction.net Zoids section) and giving up on any other ideas I've decided to take a vacation. Which is kinda how this got started. After my first story no one probably thought I'd even be able to write a comedy cause the first one sucked so much. So here we go.  
  
^______________________________________________________________________^ (Nah, really, I just don't know)  
  
A small plane soars through the blue skies. Then it begins shaking uncontrollably. Immediately after that it does a loop de loop followed by a couple of corkscrews. Then as smoke starts pouring out of it, it plummets headfirst into the ground of a tropical island.  
  
Inside plane: "I told you, you can't fly the plane!!!" "Aw, but I had to" "Please passengers do not panic, though the plane is being flown by a hyperactive teenager with possible ADHD, there is no cause to worry" "Hey, guys watch this!" "NO! DON'T" "WWAHHHHHH!!!"  
  
As the plane picks up speed and plummets even faster towards the ground.  
  
"Look at this, we're all gonna die now! You idiot!!!" "WWEEEEE! I should've tried this years ago!!" "Stewardess! Since we're gonna die, I just- C'MERE YOU!" "Ohhhh, CAPTAIN!!!" "Eww, I definitely didn't need to see that!" "Stewardess, there's one parachute, maybe we can make it!" "Its too late captain!" (wet noises) "YA-HOOO!"  
  
The plan's about 1000 feet away from the ground, 500  
  
200  
  
100  
  
70  
  
50  
  
30  
  
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1  
  
BOING! The plane hits the ground goes in then bounces back out (ya know, kinda like in the Matrix when Neo was tryin to jump the building) It rights itself in midair then lands on its belly.  
  
"Passengers we've arrived at Island Island, with continuing service to somewhere else, we believe that one of you will be disembarking. GET OVER HERE YOU PUNK!" "HEY, GET THE HELL OFF ME!"  
  
The door opens and someone is thrown out along with a bright red suitcase. The person in question is a teenager wearing camo pants and a bright red shirt with red eyes, and red hair. His name would be Bloody Phoenix.  
  
Phoenix: That's the last time I fly with you guys! Sheesh, just cause I wanted to fly the plane!  
  
The plane, not having extracted its landing gear scrape sits way along the grassy runway and somehow takes to the skies, with smoke still trailing out of the back, it doesn't get far before it plummets into the ocean and everyone dies.  
  
Phoenix: *grinning joyfully* Well, glad I made the ground bouncy just in time! Hooray for Author Powers! Down to business. *looks around* Hello? Hellooooooo? Anyone there? Echooooooo? Damn, not even an echo.  
  
A few hours later.  
  
Phoenix: Still no one. *looks into the sky* THIS PLACE IS A DESERT!!! (Desert! Desert! Desert!) Hey my echo! Glad you made it!  
  
A few hours later after the caffeine's worn off.  
  
Phoenix: Well this is awfully boring this vacation sucks! Too bad there's no one else on this island. I wish I had author-like powers in which I could grant all my wishes just cause I'm writing this story.  
  
Wait for it. It'll sink in any moment. Okay, just a bit longer. Any moment now. I'm sure he'll get it.  
  
Phoenix: OF COURSE! I do have author powers, well in that case I'll just bring over a few friends from animes and video games!  
  
***  
  
In the midst of Hyrule.  
  
Ganondorf: Ha ha! This time you won't beat me Link! Though I'm not really sure why. Probably the boots. YES! My new boots that I got from Rack Room Shoes!  
  
Link: HUUT!  
  
Zelda: Oh my!  
  
All of a sudden. ZAP! All three disappear in a blinding light.  
  
***  
  
Somewhere in a desert.  
  
Bit: ITS JUST ONE LOUSY DONUT!  
  
Leena: THAT WAS MY LAST ONE BIT!!!  
  
Bit: AAAHHHHHH! NO! HAVE MERCY!  
  
Doc: At it again.  
  
Jamie: Will you shut up!? You're always the same, you make too many casual observations! Why!? We're quite aware that they're at it again! You don't have to point it out to us! What in the hell's your problem!  
  
Brad: Calm down, you've been workin too hard, take a break.  
  
Jamie: YOU SHUT UP! You think you're so smooth and cool, don't ya! Well just shut up and leave me alone!!!  
  
Then. ZAP! The five disappear.  
  
***  
  
In a really big stadium.  
  
Demon: KILL THE HUMANS!  
  
Yusuke: SHUT UP!  
  
Kuabara: YEAH!  
  
Yusuke: Shut up sidekick!  
  
Kuabara: Hey!  
  
Hiei (spelling?): *Unleashes dark dragon* SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!! *quietly walks away while surviving crowd catches breath.*  
  
Kurama: I believe we should take this moment to-  
  
Yusuke: Why do you always talk like that?  
  
Kurama: Like what?  
  
Yusuke: Like a complete sissy?  
  
Kurama: *turns into yoko-kurama* (I know he needs the idun box but who cares) IS THIS A SISSY?  
  
Yusuke: N-no I was just kidding.  
  
Kaiko: Yusuke, you're such an idiot.  
  
Yususke: You're just mad cause I won't-  
  
Kaiko: Yusuke!! You bastard!  
  
Boton: Now Kaiko, there's no need for that!  
  
Kaiko: Shut up you blue-haired slut!  
  
Boton: All right, bring it on!  
  
Yusuke: -with you.  
  
Puu: Puuuu.  
  
Kuabara: Hey, Puu's right ya know.  
  
Puu: *raises ears* Puu! Puu-puu puupity puu! Puu puu puu-puu puu puu puu!  
  
Kurama: Very wise words Puu.  
  
Hiei: Yeah we really shouldn't argue!  
  
All: Puu, you're so smart!  
  
Puu: *blushing* Puu!  
  
Then, the four fighters, Kaiko, Boton, and Puu all vanish with a ZAP!  
  
Kouwinma (spelling?!?!?!): HEY! Why doesn't the ruler of Spiritworld get to ZAP! I WANNA ZAP!  
  
Ogre: Sir, you're far too young!  
  
Kouwinma: THAT'S IT YOU'RE GOIN DOWN!  
  
Ogre: OW OW OW!  
  
***  
  
Inside a Gustav:  
  
Moonbay: I am aaa-  
  
Van: SHUT UP!  
  
ZAP! You know what happened!  
  
***  
  
In a really big ship.  
  
Fox: IS there something wrong with Peppy?  
  
Peppy: ckq fqck hhh!  
  
Slippy: Oh no! Another heart attack/stroke/asthma attack/back pain/heartburn!  
  
Rob: Allow me. *goes over and whacks Peppy on the chest* Get up oldster!  
  
Peppy: AH! UH! AHH!  
  
Slippy: Ya gotta take your medication more often!  
  
Peppy: Thanks grandpa!  
  
Slippy: Whatever.  
  
Krystal: Which is worse his long-term or short-term memory.  
  
Slippy: Hard to tell, you didn't really mean that question, it was just a way for you to prove your existence as the audience is currently in doubt of it.  
  
Krystal: Shut up wart-face.  
  
Falco: I'm here too, just so ya know!  
  
ZAP!  
  
***  
  
In a place:  
  
Dommon: Cheers!  
  
Rain: Oh Dommon, that's your tenth glass!  
  
Dommon: Hiccup! Oh! Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care!  
  
Allenby: Argo, you'll have to slap it out of him again!  
  
Argo: *cracks knuckles*  
  
Sci-scici (splg?): No way bro! It goes like: Jimmy's on crack and he won't share!  
  
George: That's inappropriate!  
  
Chibodee: Not where I come from.  
  
ZAP!  
  
***  
  
In a CNN news studio:  
  
Larry King: So how long have you?  
  
ZAP!  
  
Hillary Clinton stares for a while. Hillary: Well I suppose that means its time to promote my new book! Hi do you want to know more about me then should be aloud by law? Buy my book it's almost as popular as JK Rowlings Harry Potter 5! URGH! DAMN YOU POTTER!  
  
***  
  
Wait for the next chapter fool! 


	2. The wondorous Island Island

Anime Soufflé  
Featuring Video Games Too  
  
***  
  
Suddenly every one who got "zapped" appears on the island's beach in one collective ZAP! And Pandemonium breaks out.  
  
"Who-?" "What the-?" "Ummm."  
  
Phoenix comes out. Phoenix: Okay, okay, that's enough, that's enough shut up!  
  
Everyone quiets down.  
  
Phoenix: Hi! I'm Bloody Phoenix, you can call me Phoenix. I went to this island for a vacation and as you can see it's deserted. It's called Island Island.  
  
Dommon: *raises hand* Why?  
  
Phoenix: Well cause no one knew what to call it so the just called it island however in a sentence, to signify what the name of something is sometimes its followed by what that thing is hence "Island" Island. Get it?  
  
Dommon: Ya know something, you're just plain annoying.  
  
Phoenix: *points finger at Dommon who immediately sprouts Donkey ears* That's for calling me annoying. They should fall off in a day or so.  
  
Dommon: WHAT THE HELL?! YOU ASSHOLE! *Dommon immediately grows a donkey tail to match the ears*  
  
Phoenix: I think that should teach you. Now y'all are some of the best examples of video games and anime. And since this island is deserted I've sent you here to give me company I think we'll have a rather fun time.  
  
Yusuke: WHADDYA MEAN? WE'RE NOT GONNA BE YOUR SLAVES!  
  
Phoenix: If you want to leave the island go right ahead, it's a swim of quite a few miles to the mainland. Otherwise there's no way off.  
  
Chibodee: HA! I've got a Gundam! *snaps fingers* Rise Gundam Maxter! *nothing happens* Gundam? Where are you?  
  
Fox: Uh? What's a Gundam?  
  
Phoenix: It won't come, your Gundam is actually having a fun time without you.  
  
***  
  
Gundam Maxter: So, Noble Gundam? How's about dinner tonight?  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: For that matter, really all of you who have ships, or something, they won't come to you. And the people with special powers, they won't work outside this island. However you're free to use them in the island.  
  
Kuabara: ALRIGHT! *spirit sword comes out of his hand* prepare to get some you-  
  
Phoenix: I'd think twice about that *points to Dommon*  
  
Kuabara: Oh, yeah, uh, right.  
  
Phoenix: Anyway, we're gonna have a great time, I'll keep you for a few weeks, then you can go. We'll be doin' crazy stuff daily, it'll be a good ol' time! Now its time for me to check roll! Let's see.  
  
Zelda:  
  
Link  
  
Zelda  
  
Ganondorf  
  
Zoids NC0:  
  
Bit  
  
Leena  
  
Brad  
  
Jamie  
  
Doc  
  
Yu Yu Hakasho:  
  
Yusuke  
  
Kuabara  
  
Hiei  
  
Kurama  
  
Boton  
  
Kaiko  
  
Puu  
  
Zoids CC:  
  
Van  
  
Fiona  
  
Irvine  
  
Moonbay  
  
Star Fox (Adventures):  
  
Fox  
  
Krystal  
  
Slippy  
  
Falco  
  
Peppy  
  
Rob  
  
G Gundam:  
  
Dommon  
  
Rain  
  
Chibodee  
  
Sci-Scici  
  
George  
  
Argo  
  
Allenby  
  
Phoenix: That's thirty two people. Okay then, so I'll explain the rules of this contest-thingy. I'll be distributing individual points for all of you during the activities at the end of this all, whoever has the most points wins a spectacular prize, it's not a crappy magazine subscription nor is it a years supply of tuna, and it's definitely not the Carlton Sheets guide to how to make money off of real estate. It's something really cool! And it's also a surprise.  
  
Link: It might be worthwhile.  
  
Zelda: I didn't know that you could talk!  
  
Link: Hey neither did I!  
  
Phoenix: I gave you that power, see I'm the author of this- never mind let's just say I have special powers and leave it at that.  
  
Sci-Scici: Hey bro! I got a question! Is there a bathroom?!?!?  
  
Phoenix: Can you wait?  
  
Sci: I guess so.  
  
Phoenix: okay here's the list of basic rules.  
  
1. No unruly conduct.  
  
2. No profanity.  
  
3. No drug use.  
  
4. No violence  
  
5. No pets (except Puu, who really doesn't count)  
  
6. No shirt, no shoes, no service.  
  
7. No bad behavior period.  
  
8. Please feel free to break any or all of the above rules.  
  
Phoenix: And here's the list of really important rules.  
  
1. Do not offend Phoenix in any way or manner.  
  
2. You shall address Phoenix as Phoenix or Bloody Phoenix. No exceptions. Well, Sci-scici can call 'im Bro, but we all know that Sci has problems.  
  
3. A reminder not to offend Phoenix, he will not take a joke.  
  
4. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL YOU ENTER PHOENIX'S DORM!!!  
  
Note: the breaking of these rules is punishable by death, torture, disfigurement, mutilation, etc.  
  
Sci: Hey Bro, I really gotta use the bathroom! *legs together*  
  
Phoenix: Just hang on. Okay, there are three dorms. The Girls dorm, Boys dorm A and Boys dorm B. I didn't realize that the boys outnumbered the girls more than 2 to 1 -guess the producers of your shows/video games are really sexist- so I built Boys dorm B about 20 minutes ago. Because of this, it doesn't have any climate control or TVs or Gamecubes or radios, it's pretty much a shack with beds. Now, behind me is a path that leads into the rain forest, it splits into a 3-way fork. To the right is the Girl's dorm. If you go straight that Boys A, if you go left, its Boys B. Um. its kind of a hike to get to B. My dorm is in a secret location.  
  
Sci: I REALLY NEED THE BATHROOM! *eyes watering, legs crossed, hands clutching self*  
  
Phoenix: tell ya what, if you can wait you get ten points, k?  
  
Sci: *squeaky voice* OK.  
  
Phoenix: Now here's a board, it's very pretty isn't it? *bulletin board appears* I'm going to my dorm to decide lodgings, y'all stay put, until a paper appears here, then you're free to go to your dorm.  
  
Larry King: WAIT! What about me?  
  
Phoenix: Oh I almost forgot! You have a special purpose. You'll be sitting in a chair in a room on this island, whenever anyone feels, sad, angry, suicidal, happy, or any emotion and you need to work it off, come to that room, where you can torture or kill Larry King! He's been granted immortality by me so he'll feel the pain but he'll never die! Cya. *disappears*  
  
Larry King: HEY! *all of a sudden, gets bound with rope and sat in a chair which flies away*  
  
Everyone's quiet for a moment then they break out in conversation.  
  
Fox: Damn it, I never knew I was a video game! To think my destiny was controlled by some video geek all that time!  
  
Link: Tell me about it.  
  
***  
  
Leena: I love your figure Dommon!  
  
Rain: HEY! HANDS OFF!  
  
Leena: Anyway  
  
Rain: I SAID QUIT TALKING TO HIM!  
  
Leena: Make me!  
  
Rain: Bring it on bitch!  
  
***  
  
Bit: So you're like, from the same planet, just a few hundred years back?  
  
Van: Yeah something like that.  
  
Bit: Weird, so it's like I'm meeting a guy from the past right?  
  
Van: something like that?  
  
Bit: So if I poke you *pokes Van* that means I'm poking a guy from the past?  
  
Van: HEY! I'm straight thank you!  
  
Bit: Damn! Anyway, if I look at you, I'm looking at a guy form the past?  
  
Van: *gritting teeth* Yes, fag, you are.  
  
Bit: Cool! So if I sniff you, I'm sniffing a guy from the past.  
  
Van: GET AWAY!  
  
Bit: But, I am right?  
  
Van: Yeah, but get away.  
  
Bit: Way too cool, now suppose I were to stick my hand down-  
  
Van: IRVINE HELP!!!  
  
Bit: Oh, I didn't know you were already taken!  
  
Van: I TOLD YOU ALREADY I'M STRAIGHT! GOD! It's just like my childhood! *breaks down and starts rocking in a fetal position on the ground.  
  
***  
  
George: tisk, tisk, tisk, it's too bad how many gay's there are in the world, and Asians too, not too mention-  
  
Kuabara: Dude, that's not cool, it's not good to be racist. It's against my code.  
  
Yusuke: Screw your code, your code sucks, there's too much that you're against, lighten up!  
  
Kuabara: Bring it on Yerameshi (splg?????)  
  
George: and Jamaicans, God, there are way too many Jamaicans.  
  
Hiei: Now really, you oughtta stop now before ya get hurt.  
  
George: Oh, and midget's too.  
  
Hiei: OKAY! THAT'S IT! *immediately draws sword*  
  
George: *draws sword too* alright 4 foot nuthin' let's go!  
  
***  
  
Allenby: Men, always fighting.  
  
Boton: You said it. I love your hair, nice and blue.  
  
Allenby: Yours too, it's just so blue! Oh and you as well.  
  
Krystal: Thanks  
  
Boton: Let's do the blue chant!  
  
All: Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue!  
  
Later.  
  
Allenby: Of course mines bluer then yours, just by a bit, though yours is still nice!  
  
Boton: Well yours may be darker, but everyone knows that according to Blue magazine issue 155632779, light blue is more in.  
  
Allenby: True, however, according to Blue TV, this shade is more attractive.  
  
Krystal: If you ask me, mine's better than both of yours  
  
Allenby: How dare you?!?!  
  
Three start fighting.  
  
Falco: If you ask me ladies, all of you seem to have the same perfect shade of blue.  
  
Two stop fighting and look at Falco.  
  
Boton: *gasps*  
  
Allenby: Why look at you! You're covered in blue, though they're only feathers, who cares!  
  
Both stare at Falco.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile the bulletin board flashes and everyone stops what they're doing to look at it. It looks kinda like this.  
  
Girls:  
  
Zelda  
  
Leena  
  
Boton  
  
Kaiko  
  
Fiona  
  
Moonbay  
  
Krystal  
  
Rain  
  
Allenby  
  
Slippy  
  
(whoops my mistake on the last one)  
  
Slippy: Hmmph!  
  
Boys A:  
  
Brad  
  
Jamie  
  
Doc  
  
Kurama  
  
Irvine  
  
Fox  
  
Slippy  
  
Falco  
  
Chibodee  
  
George  
  
Argo  
  
Boys B:  
  
Link  
  
Ganondorf  
  
Bit  
  
Yusuke  
  
Kuabara  
  
Hiei  
  
Van  
  
Peppy  
  
Rob  
  
Dommon  
  
Sci-scici  
  
Puu: undecided  
  
Everyone, but Yu Yu Hakasho characters: Who's Puu?  
  
Yusuke: Why, Puu is one of the greatest creatures on the planet.  
  
Kurama: He guides us with his wise words of wisdom.  
  
Kuabara: His intelligence is only comparable to a yak!  
  
Hiei: And yours to a head of lettuce you idiot, yaks are really dumb.  
  
Yak: Hey man, that ain't cool!  
  
Kaiko: Anyway, Puu is truly amazing.  
  
Yu Yu Hakasho people move aside to reveal Puu who's been sitting there the whole time.  
  
Puu: Puu?  
  
All: *gasp* We must bow down to Puu!  
  
Puu: *blushing and hiding face with ears* Puu!  
  
Boys A People: Puu needs to stay with us!  
  
Boys B: No, our dorm is supposed to suck, we don't deserve Puu!  
  
Girls dorm: O don't be silly, Puu's staying with us! He needs a feminine touch!  
  
Boys A: Yeah, but Puu is a HE! He needs to be with his own Gender.  
  
Yusuke: He's my spirit-beast, so I'll decide where he goes!  
  
Kaiko: Yeah, but I take care of him!  
  
Yusuke: Ya know, we're not even sure whether or not he's a he or a she.  
  
Jamie: Out of the way losers, you're all obviously too dumb to tell. *grabs Puu, turns him upside-down and looks at him* Uh. gee, I can't even tell. hmm.  
  
Puu: PUUUU!!! *in an amazing effort to escape, Puu pulls away and uses his wings/ears to fly on top of the bulletin board where he sits shivering turned away from the group*  
  
Kaiko: You little jackass! You violated Puu! Look at him! He's in shock!  
  
Jamie: God, he's just a stupid animal, he doesn't care!  
  
All: WHY YOU LITTLE!  
  
Later:  
  
Yusuke: So it's agreed, we'll switch off every other night, between Boys A and Girls, okay?  
  
Kaiko: Deal!  
  
The two shake hands.  
  
Yusuke: So who gets him first?  
  
Kaiko: We'll flip a coin.  
  
Yusuke: Right.  
  
Kaiko: HA! We win!  
  
Sci: Okay, I've b-been waiting-g v-very p-p-patiently for a long, long, l-l- l-long time, and I rrrreally n-need to go! I happen to be in the dorm that Phoenix said was f-far aw-w-way, so if we can go, p-p-please!  
  
Everyone else: good idea.  
  
The entire group goes down the path until the reach the fork, the girls go right, half the boys go straight and the other half turn left.  
  
Jamie, whose legs and arms happen to be broken: Hey, what about me, look I'm sorry that I violated Puu! C'mon! A little help!  
  
***  
  
Link leads the way as he, Ganondorf, Bit, Yusuke, Kuabara, Hiei, Peppy, Rob, Dommon, and Sci-scici who's barely walking start down the path.  
  
Link: So, how far'd Phoenix say it was?  
  
Dommon: Not sure *swooshes tail* of course I wouldn't trust that- *all of a sudden, Dommon's legs turn into donkey legs*  
  
Yusuke: Guess he's got the entire island bugged.  
  
Ganondorf: I can't believe I'm stuck with you!  
  
Link: Well if you think I'm happy about it-!  
  
Rob: *Extends arms, grabs both and bonks their heads together* C'mon people he said it's only a few weeks. You can survive.  
  
The group trudges on pleasantly conversing, for about 20 minutes.  
  
Hiei: What time is it?  
  
Kuabara: Looks like.  
  
Hiei: Shut up moron, you don't even have a watch.  
  
Rob: It's 2:30  
  
Sci: And I haven't peed for about 30 hours now.  
  
Dommon: Ya should've gone before we came here.  
  
Sci: DO YOU THINK I KNEW WE WERE GONNA COME HERE!?  
  
Bit: Say, where's Van.  
  
Rob: Still lying in a fetal position on the beach after you nearly raped him.  
  
About 30 minutes later.  
  
Link: Okay, we've been at it for almost an hour now, what's up with this?!  
  
Bit: Look, a sign!  
  
The group comes out in a small clearing where the road splits into three before them. One straight, one to the left and one to the right.  
  
Bit: It says, that Dorm B is straight ahead!  
  
Sci: Shouldn't we read the other sign bro?  
  
Link: Forget the other sign, we're almost there!  
  
Entire group runs forward except for Sci who tries to hobble.  
  
Later  
  
The entire group is hiking slowly up the path which is at a 60 degree angle. They're on a giant mountain covered in ice and snow with wind speeds of about 75 mph  
  
Link: WE CAN MAKE IT!!  
  
Dommon: WHAT???  
  
Link: I SAID WE CAN MAKE IT!!!!!  
  
Sci: I th-thought (now stuttering due to the coldness) th-that th-this was a t-t-t-tropical island!  
  
Ganondorf: Well, I guess we're so high up, that would explain it!  
  
Sci: Well, at least my pee is frozen solid, I don't have to go anymore!  
  
Our heroes trudge around the mountain for a little while. Finally the path starts moving away from the mountain, our heroes re-enter the rainforest, Ganondorf is carrying Yusuke who's frozen inside an icicle.  
  
Ganondorf: Urrgh, when is he gonna thaw out!?  
  
Hiei: Well its no surprise, he isn't wearing anything but that thin shirt and equally thin pants, I say you leave him here.  
  
All of a sudden there's a clearing up ahead. Everyone runs into it. The road splits up into three directions again.  
  
Link: There's something vaguely familiar about this place, I just can't lay my finger on it.  
  
Ganondorf: UURRGH! *he accidentally drops Yusuke whose icicle bursts and he lays shivering on the ground* THIS IS THE SAME FOUR-WAY INTERSECTION WE WERE AT BEFORE!  
  
Bit: Oh! I get it, we came from here *goes to the path that's branching off to the left* and went here, *goes to path that goes to the right* and ended up here! Huh! Well who'd have thought? Heh heh!  
  
Kuabara: Hey, that is pretty funny!  
  
All else: IT'S NOTHING TO LAUGH ABOUT!  
  
Sci: We wasted two hours going around that mountain! And I gotta go again!  
  
All else: WHO CARES?!  
  
Link: Okay so this time we go straight, which would've been left last time that we were here.  
  
Sci: And look there's that other sign I told you we should read!  
  
*Flashback*  
  
The group comes out in a small clearing where the road splits into three before them. One straight, one to the left and one to the right.  
  
Bit: It says, that Dorm B is straight ahead!  
  
Sci: Shouldn't we read the other sign bro?  
  
Link: Forget the other signs, we're almost there!  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
Sci: And the other sign says: 'For a quicker way to Dorm B, this way' So in other words, if we had read this sign, we would have avoided that-  
  
All else: Well, Whoop-dee-doo! Now SHUT UP YOU BRAT!  
  
And so the quest continues.  
  
An hour and a half later.  
  
Yusuke: *panting* WATER! I NEED WATER!  
  
The entire group is crawling across a sandy desert.  
  
Peppy: Why, this reminds me of the drought of '42, a fine year it was, but-  
  
Bit: Oh, you're still alive, that's the first time you've even talked this whole walk?  
  
Peppy: Ya gotta conserve energy when you're as old as I am! What's your name? Bill?  
  
Bit: Bit.  
  
Peppy: Oh thanks, so anyway George, as I was saying. uh. what was I talkin about?  
  
Dommon: HOW LONG WILL THE MISERY GO ON!?!?!  
  
Meanwhile Ganondorf is happily floating in the air along with Rob who's using his jet-pack.  
  
Sci: NO FAIR! I WANNA FLOAT! I WANNA USE THE BATHROOM!!!  
  
Dommon: SHUT UP! YA THINK YOU HAVE PROBLEMS! TRY DOING THIS WITH DONKEY FEET!!!  
  
Peppy: Why look! An oasis!  
  
Sci: Look, old bro, it's a mirage, it plays tricks on ya.  
  
Dommon: Hey a strip club!  
  
All else: Mirage Dommon, let's go!  
  
Hiei: A shack!  
  
Yusuke: It's a- wait, no it really is a shack.  
  
A small and crummy-looking shack is standing about 45 yards away.  
  
All: Hooray! *rush towards shack*  
  
Inside the shack are 5 bunk beds lined up and a door which presumably leads to a closet and the rest is just floor space. There's a dusty bulletin board on the wall. On it is a map and a few memos.  
  
Memos:  
  
Hey! Sorry its so far away, it was the closest spot! You'll find a pack of cards and a few board games in the closet!  
  
-Phoenix  
  
By the way, Dinner's at seven thirty, in the mess hall (check map)  
  
-Phoenix  
  
Sci: *checks map* THAT'S BACK NEAR THE BEACH!!!!!  
  
Oh yeah, there's a teleporter kit in the closet, you'll have to build it yourselves, and I forgot the instructions, sorry! If ya do it right, it should take you to the mess hall!  
  
-Phoenix  
  
Oh, and Sci-scici, the nearest bathroom's in Boys A, but they probably won't let you use it. The girls have one, but well, ya know. And mine is too good for you. Oh, but there's an outhouse on the other side of the island (check map) Cya @ 7:30!  
  
-Phoenix  
  
Sci: *Checks map* NOOOO!!!!  
  
Bit: How far is it?  
  
Sci: Only 17 miles. :'-(  
  
Dommon: Well tough luck, kid.  
  
Yusuke: Tell ya what, you go on to the outhouse, we'll sit here and try to figure out how to build this teleporter thing, bye!  
  
Sci: gloomily walks out clutching self, legs crossed, and eyes watering.  
  
Bit: Uh, Rob, you're smart, do ya know how to build this thing.  
  
Rob: Of course I'm a freakin' robot, whaddya think?  
  
Kuabara: Hey check it out guys! I found a refrigerator magnet in my pocket, here tin man hang on to it for me *puts magnet on Rob's head*  
  
Rob: *buzz buzz whirr* Sorry I just lost the data on how to build the thing, okay, now we're screwed.  
  
Dommon: *sighs* well let's get to it.  
  
7:25 p.m.  
  
Bit: Done!  
  
Yusuke: Uh, now what  
  
Rob: Now we get someone to test it, just to make sure it works. *looks over at large cylinder with coat hangers and soda cans sticking out of it*  
  
Dommon: Well who's not important?  
  
Ganondorf: Okay, Kuabara's dumb, Peppy's old, and Bit's gay.  
  
Yusuke: So it's between those three.  
  
Hiei: Let's see.  
  
Dommon: How about rock paper scissors?  
  
Bit: Sure  
  
Bit: Shit, I can't believe I lost.  
  
Link: Okay, here's a rope we made out of the bed sheets, grab onto it and get to the mess hall, if all's well tug once, if not tug twice. Got it?  
  
Bit: Okay.  
  
Peppy: Right then, get in there and go!  
  
Whirrrrrr, zzzzz CRACK  
  
Bit disappears leaving the remaining part of the rope. Then it wiggles once.  
  
Ganondorf: Good enough for me *disappears*  
  
The rope wiggles a second time.  
  
Dommon: Uh-oh.  
  
Link: Well what now.  
  
Kuabara: *head buried in closet* Say do you guys know that there's a Hummer in here?  
  
Dommon: *grinning in delight* HUMMER! I drive!  
  
Rob: How can you drive in those *gestures at donkey legs*  
  
Dommon *kicks Rob*  
  
At the mess hall a few minutes later, the rest of the group is already assembled.  
  
CRASH, the yellow Hummer crashes through the wall and the guys dramatically hop out, high-five each other and look as though they've had an awesome time.  
  
Phoenix: *clears throat* If you all are done making idiots out of yourselves. well I see that my teleporter idea didn't work. *points to Bit and Ganondorf, Bit's arms are on his head and his left leg is sticking out of his ear. Ganondorf is covered in boils* but, you managed to get here so it doesn't matter. Where's Sc-scici?  
  
Dommon: Hey! He never came back, I wonder what happened to him!  
  
All of a sudden the lights go out and the doors burst open. A dark figure with shreds of clothing along his arms and blood dripping down his body slowly makes his way through the hall.  
  
Chibodee: HEY! Neo China!  
  
Sci-scici reveals his right arm which is missing with a large butcher knife in its place.  
  
Sci: You *gestures at Phoenix* you made me this way, look at me! I trod through swamp and forest, through all the elements, now I'm going to slice you up!  
  
Phoenix: Dude, it's okay.  
  
Sci: You think it's okay? You don't understand! *camera zooms in to dark menacing face* I'm dead, Phoenix, and you all will be too!  
  
Chibodee: Hey, now Neo China's a zombie!  
  
Leena: *shrieks and faints*  
  
Phoenix: Look, I can bring you back to life, I have author powers!  
  
Fox: Author?  
  
Phoenix: Uh, never mind..  
  
Sci: I want more than life, I want revenge!  
  
Phoenix: Okay. I bring you back to life and let you slice up Larry King?  
  
Sci: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!  
  
Phoenix: Will you take another ten points?  
  
Sci: Hmmm. make it twenty.  
  
Phoenix: Hey, hey, hey! I'll make it fifteen and that's all.  
  
Sci: Throw in a raspberry donut, and you've got a deal.  
  
Phoenix: Well, okay.  
  
Sci is brought back to life, given a Donut and given his points.  
  
Phoenix: Go slaughter Larry after Dinner, k? Um, okay, I have a few announcements! First off, here's a schedule that we're gonna follow every day, k?  
  
Wake up when ya wanna so long as you don't miss brekkers. 8:30- Breakfast (Brekkers] @ mess hall 9:00- Daily misguided adventures! 12:30- Lunch @mess hall or possibly elsewhere 1:00- Continuing misguided adventures! 5:00- Free time 7:30- Dinner @mess hall 10:00- Lights out. Just lights out, not curfew, use a flashlight. If you can find one somewhere.  
  
Zelda: So what is this like a camp?  
  
Phoenix: No. I just like to make schedules. Anyway tonight for dinner, we're having. let's see, well I'm having steak, as for you guys. I think. tomatoes and worms.  
  
Leena: EWW! That's gross!!  
  
Phoenix: I didn't say you have to eat.  
  
Leena: Fine then! I won't and we'll see how you like it!  
  
Phoenix: Go right ahead.  
  
Leena: Alright, I will!  
  
Phoenix: You don't need my permission, just go ahead.  
  
Leena: Ok then, I'm going. to not eat. right now. at his moment. starting immediately. don't even try to stop me!  
  
Phoenix: *busily pouring A1 everywhere*  
  
Not really anyone's eating except for Falco.  
  
Slippy: Dude, do you know how sick that is.  
  
Falco: I'm a bird, dumbass! What do think I'm gonna eat?!  
  
Allenby: I think it's totally sexy.  
  
Leena: I think you're a complete loser.  
  
Allenby: WHAT?!  
  
Kaiko: No really, she's right, I mean he's a freakin' bird!  
  
Puu: Puu!!  
  
Then entire "blue club" stares at Puu.  
  
Boton: Puu's blue!  
  
All four blue obsessed people go over to Puu and start giving him extra attention.  
  
***  
  
Jamie: *sitting apart from everybody else* I hate that stupid little thing, he thinks he's so cool. Hmm, I think he sucks.  
  
Bit: Why don't you challenge him?  
  
Jamie: WHAT?!  
  
Bit: You're talking right out loud we can all perfectly hear you.  
  
Jamie: Ya know I think I will!  
  
Bit: Uh, hey, I was just being sarcastic, ya know.  
  
Jamie: Yeah, but with your gay lisp, it's hard to tell.  
  
***  
  
Jamie: PUU!  
  
The entire group around Puu looks up.  
  
Puu: Puu?  
  
Jamie: Puu! I challenge you to a duel!  
  
Puu: Puu?  
  
Jamie: Tomorrow, 5:15! At the beach! We'll see whose superior!  
  
Krystal: Puu! Don't do it Puu, it's too dangerous!  
  
Puu: Puu!  
  
Falco: What?! You're crazy Puu!  
  
Puu: Puu! Puu puu puu-puu, puu puu puu-puu puupitty puu!  
  
Allenby: Your honor? Your dignity? You say you want it back?  
  
Puu: *pointing at Jamie* Puu!  
  
Jamie: I take that as a yes!  
  
Phoenix: Alright Dinners over people, now it's custom for me to announce the ranking of you all after Dinner every day. Currently in first is Sci- scici with 25 points! *Everyone claps politely* And in second is. Everyone else with zero points. *more polite clapping* So, dinner's done I'm going back to my quarters to take care of business, you all have to be in your dorms by 10:00, then after that your aloud to break any rules you want so long as you're not caught! Except you can't break the important ones, well see ya tomorrow. *disappears*  
  
People mumble and mutter and everyone gradually disperses. The boys of dorm B get in their Hummer and dramatically drive away.  
  
***  
  
Later that Night.  
  
Dorm B:  
  
Kuabara: Hey who's up for poker all night?  
  
Everyone but Dommon: Sure.  
  
Dommon: Sorry, I gotta crash, see ya later. *gets in bed and falls asleep*  
  
After about 15 minutes of Kuabara losing every cent he has to every one else.  
  
Hiei: Wait a minute, do you hear something?  
  
Sci: Oh, that's just bro sleep talking. *points to Dommon.*  
  
Dommon: *mutter mutter* Urgh, Phoenix, damn son of a bitch!  
  
All of a sudden Dommon grows a donkey muzzle.  
  
Dommon: GRR! Stupid little. *snore*  
  
Dommon's left arm turns into a donkey's front leg.  
  
Ganondorf: Should we wake him up?  
  
Bit: Ah, who cares?  
  
Ganondorf: Yeah you're right anyone up for bullshit?  
  
All else: WHAT?!  
  
Ganondorf: Ya know the card game!  
  
All else: Oh!  
  
***  
  
Girls Dorm.  
  
Fiona: So what does everyone wanna do?  
  
Leena: Too bad I didn't bring my donuts.  
  
Kaiko: Do you know how much fat there is in a single donut?!?!?  
  
Leena: Geez, guess not.  
  
Krystal: Why don't we play truth or dare?  
  
All else: okay  
  
Moonbay: I'll start. let's see, Puu! Truth or dare?  
  
Puu: Puu!  
  
All else: *gasp*  
  
Moonbay: Okay then *whispers into Puu's ear*  
  
Puu: *thinks hard* Puu!  
  
All else: *giggle uncontrollably*  
  
Puu: Puu, puu? Puu puu?  
  
Zelda: Oh me? Let's see, dare!  
  
Puu: Puu! Puu puu puu puu puuuuuu!  
  
Zelda: Puu! That's so mean! I'm not doing that!  
  
Puu: puu. Puu, puu? Puu puu?  
  
Allenby: Truth!  
  
Puu: Puu puu?  
  
Allenby: Yes I have.  
  
All else: *giggle*  
  
Allenby: Ok then, Boton, truth or dare?  
  
Boton: Dare!  
  
Allenby: Ok, I dare you too.  
  
More giggling resounds.  
  
***  
  
Dorm A:  
  
Fox: *stifles a yawn* Hey, Slippy are you bored?  
  
Slippy: I'm bored, Irvine, you bored?  
  
Irvine: Sure am, hey Kurama, you bored?  
  
Kurama: Yeah I'm pretty bored, Brad, are you bored?  
  
Brad: I'm bored like hell, Falco, You bored?  
  
Falco: Good God, I'm bored, Argo, you bored?  
  
Argo: Welp, I'm bored, hey Chibodee, you bored?  
  
Chibodee: Yeah, I'm pretty damn bored. Hey, Doc, you bored?  
  
Doc: Haven't been this bored in ages, George, you bored?  
  
George: I'm totally bored, how 'bout you Jamie, you bored?  
  
Jamie: Shut up.  
  
Fox: Well, you're no fun.  
  
Jamie: I said SHUT UP!  
  
Doc: he's been like that for a while, he works too hard, doesn't get enough sleep, thinks he's underappreciated.  
  
All else: Hmm.  
  
Brad: What should we do?  
  
Argo: Who wants to go spy on the girls?  
  
All but Jamie: YEAH!  
  
Chibodee: What's up Jamie, why not you?  
  
Slippy: Not enough hormones.  
  
All: *break out in laughter*  
  
Jamie: SHUT UP, it's not funny!  
  
George: See ya dork.  
  
All quietly tip toe out.  
  
Meanwhile, Allenby tiptoes out of her cabin.  
  
Irvine: All right, let's move out, Slippy, hand me the rope!  
  
Slippy: What?  
  
Irvine: Uh never mind.  
  
George: Okay, there it is, let's go.  
  
The group quietly tiptoes over to the dorm and split up, 4 or so to a window.  
  
Argo: I don't believe this, they're just playing truth or dare.  
  
Chibodee: Hey, I have an idea, let's make ourselves look scary and jump out and scare 'em out of their wits!  
  
All else: Yeah, so the go into the bush and put leaves and branches on their faces.  
  
Meanwhile Allenby creeps around to the same bushes and sneaks through.  
  
Slippy: This'll be great! Wait, who's that WHA!  
  
Brad: Slip, where'd ya go?  
  
George: What just happened?  
  
Irvine: No idea, wait a minite, AAAHH!  
  
Argo: That's too bizarre. Hey who's got my foot? WHOA?  
  
Fox: Okay, I'm startin' to get freaked out.  
  
Kurama: Same here. WHAT THE-  
  
Brad: WAIT NO HAVE MERCY!  
  
Doc: There's just five of us.  
  
Fox: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!  
  
Screaming the five run away. Suddenly an owl hoots somewhere far away.  
  
Doc: HEY! *something pulls him into the bushes on the side of the path.  
  
Falco: WHAT IS THAT!?  
  
Fox: It's, it's.  
  
Chibodee: It's a crudely made stick figure hanging from a tree, like the one in the Blair Witch Project!  
  
All: AHHH!  
  
George: WHOA! WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?!  
  
Falco: We've got to stay calm.  
  
Fox: Look, a bloody head!  
  
Chibodee: No, it's worse, it's a bloody can of BRISK ICE TEA!  
  
Falco: LET GO! NOOO!  
  
Chibodee: I can't stand it! AHH! *runs away form Fox*  
  
Fox: Hello? Chibodee? Anyone?  
  
A voice from far away: YAARGH!!!  
  
Fox: Hello?  
  
A shadowy figure leap out of the bushes and runs into the other bushes.  
  
Fox: I-I've got a blaster!  
  
Then the shadowy figure leaps from a tree. In the moonlight its outline resembles that of a certain Gundam Pilot.  
  
Fox: NOOOOOO!!!  
  
***  
  
Allenby walks into the dorm bent double with laughter.  
  
Allenby: You should've seen their faces, all of 'em!  
  
All the girls and Puu break out in laughter.  
  
***  
  
Jamie opens the door to the dorm, 10 figures are shivering at the door, the bolt past him and each dives into his bed still shivering in fear.  
  
Jamie: Well, well, well, already done boys?  
  
Brad: IT'S NOT FUNNY!  
  
Falco: SHE'S OUT THERE!  
  
Slippy: She'll get you!  
  
Jamie: Who?  
  
All else: HER!  
  
Jamie: This is getting way too cheap for my tastes. I'm hittin' the sack.  
  
Kurama: Wait! Don't turn out the lights.  
  
Jamie: Get over it. *turns out light*  
  
Ten pairs of quivering eyes look out from beneath their sheets.  
  
***  
  
And that's that, later! 


	3. Day one or Puu's revenge! Duel for honor...

Anime Soufflé  
Featuring Video Games Too  
  
Day 1, Boys Dorm B:  
  
Slowly all the guys start rising and getting up, then all of a sudden.  
  
All: AHHHH!  
  
The music form Psycho starts playing. They move in closer to see that in Dommon's bed is a full donkey wearing Dommon's red cloak  
  
Rob: I'll be damned, he finally turned into a donkey.  
  
Dommon: Hee-haw!  
  
Link: Ah, don't worry about it, Phoenix said it would wear off.  
  
Ganondorf: Well he said that after Dommon pissed im off once. Who knows how long it'll take now.  
  
Hiei: Well, I for one think it's an improvement.  
  
Dommon: *kicks Hiei*  
  
Kuabara: Well how are we gonna get 'im in the Hummer? Breakfast is in. 10 minutes ago.  
  
Yusuke: Where did you get that watch?  
  
Kuabara: Oh, I grew it.  
  
Link: Watch this. *takes Longshot and makes Dommon bite it, hook attaches to seat inside open Hummer and Dommon the donkey is reeled into the trunk.  
  
Ganondorf: I didn't know you still had your weapons with you!  
  
Link: Really? I didn't either.  
  
Peppy: ffkch hack quqqq kdj  
  
Rob: Hmm, I seem to have forgotten how I treat Peppy when he has one of those attacks, thanks a lot Kuabara.  
  
Kuabara: No problem!  
  
Peppy: Kckfhy fqp!  
  
Yusuke: Oh, shit! I think this is serious.  
  
Bit: Hmm. we're already late, we'll just have to leave him.  
  
Sci: Let's roll!  
  
The Hummer rolls out of the makeshift driveway kicking up sand everywhere.  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: You all are mega-late! Now c'mon eat quick! Today you get whatever you want.  
  
All take their orders.  
  
Ganondorf: And a bag of oats for Dommon.  
  
Rain: *just now noticing Dommon* AHHH! What happened to him?!?!?  
  
Sci: Bro was badmouthin Phoenix bad.  
  
Phoenix: Anyway, today is extreme physical day! After brekkers get out on the beach and I'll explain what you'll be doing today!  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Okay, we're all here except for Peppy and Van is still in a fetal position.  
  
Fox: What happened to Peppy?  
  
Rob: He had another attack and I forgot what I did for those.  
  
Slippy: You whack him member?  
  
Rob: Oh, hmm, well, I wonder if he's dead yet. *looks at Fox's expression* Heh-heh, just kidding!  
  
Phoenix: Never mind, he's too old for this anyway. As for you, Van, get up, that's enough.  
  
Van: You don't understand.  
  
Fiona: Van, why don't you join your group?  
  
Van: It's- it's him! *points at Bit*  
  
Everyone looks accusingly at Bit.  
  
Bit: WHAT?! Ok, look Van I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pressured you, I understand if-  
  
Phoenix: *coughs loudly* Oh, uh no, I was just coughing, but anyway stop the conversation, Van get over there and listen up. Ok, its gonna work like this, we're gonna have a triathlon, except with more than three events. First, you're gonna sprint down the beach and keep going until you see a river.  
  
Boton: Don't rivers usually flow into the ocean and out of forests?  
  
Phoenix: They do, you're swimming against the current. Anyway, you swim down the river until it ends and you'll get to Mt. Mountain. Then you climb all the way to the top of Mt. Mountain where you'll find a bunch of snowboards, you go down the mountain and at the end of the course you'll reach a very long street, grab a skateboard and go down, by the way the more tricks you pull off the more points you'll get. Finally you'll get to a set of railroad tracks. The trains come down at 1:00, if you get there before one, run down the tracks and pray that you can outrun the trains! Let's see, if you go 58 mph at all times you should be fine. Rules are simple, cheating is aloud, except for getting off the track-  
  
Van: This sounds a wee bit dangerous.  
  
Phoenix: Well duh! You're always at risk here! Now, all line up, and wait for it. Oh and this'll take a while so lunch is whenever you get back, it's a buffet today, so hurry!  
  
Leena: *whispers* I think Phoenix's lost it. *immediately loses arms and legs*  
  
Phoenix: Well, Leena's out now, oh, and if you wanna give up now, go ahead.  
  
Zelda: Oh, I'll give up.  
  
Phoenix: Okay.  
  
Zelda: I'll just casually go over to these bushes, okay?  
  
Phoenix: sure.  
  
Zelda goes into the bushes then Shiek comes out.  
  
Shiek: Excuse me, can I join?  
  
All but Link and Ganondorf: Who are you?  
  
Link: I know who he is, he's-  
  
Shiek glues Link's mouth shut.  
  
Ganondorf: He's Z-  
  
Shiek glues Ganondorf's mouth shut.  
  
Shiek: Heh heh, just testing out my glue, heh heh.  
  
Phoenix: Works for me, sure you can join. Alright everyone line up, now on your marks, get set, Gilligan's island!  
  
Everyone takes a step then go back.  
  
Phoenix: just kidding, on your marks get set. guillotine!  
  
Falco: That's it.  
  
Phoenix: onyourmarkgetsetgo!  
  
Everyone but Falco sprints off.  
  
Falco: Nope, not falling for it, nope- WAIT!!!  
  
Phoenix: *disappears*  
  
In the lead is Hiei, steadily gaining distance from the competition.  
  
Kuabara: Hey! Hiei, your shoes untied!  
  
Hiei keeps running.  
  
Yusuke: Your sister's calling you!  
  
Hiei keeps running.  
  
Kaiko: Watch out for that cow!  
  
Hiei keeps running. CRUNCH!  
  
Cow: MOOO!  
  
Kaiko: *sprints ahead* told ya!  
  
Ganondorf floats ahead of her and Rob follows him on jet packs.  
  
Link pulls out his sword and slashes at his mouth, the glue comes apart, he pulls out his ocarina  
  
Link: ^ ^ (Ocarina notes)  
  
Suddenly, Epona comes out of nowhere and Link jumps on.  
  
Link: I knew you'd find me no matter what! C'mon!  
  
Link pulls out his bow and readies a light arrow, takes aim at Ganondorf and fires.\  
  
Ganondorf: *makes frustrated muffled noises and tries to open mouth*  
  
Link races ahead then throws a couple of bombs at the people behind.  
  
Fox gets out his blaster and fires at Link.  
  
Epona rears up and drops Link then runs away.  
  
Link: Traitor!  
  
Rob speeds ahead of everyone, then Boton catches up on her broom. The two crash together for a little while, then Rob loses control and crashes into the trees.  
  
Boton: I'm winning! I'm winning!  
  
Harry Potter: *zooms up to Boton on Firebolt*  
  
Boton: Who're you?  
  
H. P.: Excuse me ma'am, we need a few beaters for our Quiditch team! I see you fly very well!  
  
Boton: What I can't hear you, the winds too loud!  
  
H.P.: I said, would you like to join our Quiditch- OOF!  
  
Both crash into a tree.  
  
Irivne: HA HA, LOSERS!  
  
Kurama: *takes out rose whip and whips around tree, starts swinging through the trees*  
  
Irvine: Hey that ain't fair!  
  
Kurama: HA HA! HEY!  
  
Jane swings in and grabs Kurama.  
  
Jane: My husband Tarzan got murdered by the monkey mob, but you'll do just fine.  
  
Kurama: Lemme go ya crazy broad!  
  
Irvine: And Irvine the amazing takes the lead again!  
  
Fox: And Fox fills Irvine's ass with lead, I mean lasers. *shoots Irvine in the buttocks*  
  
Irvine: Owy!  
  
Fox: HA HA!  
  
Kuabara: *vaults past with spirit sword lands and jabs Fox in the gut* Don't mess with the best sucka!  
  
Rain: Hey, Kuabara, you're going the wrong way!  
  
Kuabara: Really? Thanks! *turns around and goes back the way he came. Rain darts past him* Gosh that was nice of her, wait a minute.  
  
Rain: OH YEAH!  
  
Dommon: Hee-haw! *kicks Rain and runs ahead*  
  
Rain: URRGH! That traitor.  
  
Krystal: *uses staff rocket boost* See ya jackass!  
  
Krystal is the first to reach the river, she hops in.  
  
Krystal: EWW! My fur, it's so soggy!  
  
Fox: Well I've got no problem.  
  
Rob: Oh God, if I get in I'll short circuit, if I jet pack, someone'll shoot me down.  
  
Shiek: Dives in and takes the lead.  
  
Krystal: Who are you?  
  
Shiek: I am your father.  
  
Meanwhile, Doc is still running along the beach.  
  
Doc: Oh, why did I even go? Jesus. I've already got 5 stitches. *spots giant lobster swimming in ocean* You, yes you, with the claws, I have a proposition.  
  
Meanwhile Puu is ever so steadily flying along.  
  
Moonbay (just now in the water): Oh, why do I bother, hey, maybe this'll still work. *grins evilly*  
  
George: Can't- swim stupid- tights, too tight, urrgh!  
  
Moonbay: Hey Chibodee!  
  
Chibodee: Huh?  
  
Moonbay: *in sexiest voice* Oh Chibodee, I'm such a terrible swimmer, and your so strong, I have a proposition.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Brad takes the lead away from Shiek.  
  
Brad: Jeez, I don't even know how I did that.  
  
All of a sudden a large wave takes over everyone.  
  
Doc: Well Brad, you were a good team member.  
  
SNAP! The giant lobster that Doc is riding grabs Brad in its giant pincers and starts squeezing tightly.  
  
Doc: I'll give Bit your last paycheck!  
  
Brad: LET GO! ARGH! CAN'T BREATHE!  
  
The giant lobster paddles away until it reaches the vertical cliff, then it drops Doc off.  
  
Doc: Well, a deal's a deal, we agreed that you could take on of 'em for lunch, thanks!  
  
Lobster: *wiggles antenna in thanks and paddles back to its lair*  
  
Doc: Hmm. now to scale. this. 10,000 foot cliff. where are the harnesses anyway? HEY PHOENIX! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, WHERE"RE THE HARNESSES?!?!  
  
All of a sudden a red and gold phoenix swoops down and lands by Doc, in a whiff of smoke, B.Ph. is standing there.  
  
Phoenix: There aren't any harnesses.  
  
Doc: WHADDYA MEAN?!  
  
Phoenix: Just what I said, better get goin' I think Yusuke's catching up. *turns into Phoenix and stretches out wings*  
  
Doc immediately grabs his tail.  
  
Doc: HA! I'm too clever for ya.  
  
Phoenix looks down then swoops upward at the very top of the cliff, he bursts into flame.  
  
Doc: EE! OO! HOT! *Doc lets go of Phoenix's tail and plummets downwards* CURSE YOUUUUUU!  
  
SPLAT!  
  
Yusuke: HA HA! Thanks Phoenix!  
  
Phoenix: *cackles evilly*  
  
Yusuke starts climbing.  
  
Fox is close by, followed by Irvine, then Shiek.  
  
Shiek takes whatever he used to make those flashes in OoT and throws one at Irvine.  
  
Irvine: Ouch! *loses grip and falls*  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Puu is steadily flying along  
  
***  
  
Chibodee crawls out of the water with Moonbay on his back.  
  
Moonbay: Can't you go any faster, we had a deal.  
  
Chibodee: I hardly called THAT back there an effort.  
  
Moonbay: Well it's not my fault how much your underwear stinks.  
  
Rob: Excuse me. *jetpacks past* Well, it took a while to resolve.  
  
Link: And it was the wrong decision! *lets looses a fire arrow*  
  
At the cliff Link simply takes out his Longshot and starts nimbly leaping from rock to rock.  
  
Yusuke is still climbing with Fox following.  
  
Yusuke: I've got to lose him, *points finger at Fox*  
  
Fox: *takes out blaster*  
  
Yusuke: SPIRIT GUN!  
  
Fox: BLASTER! attack-thing um.  
  
The two blasts of light collide in midair and create an explosion blasting out a lot of the rock. Link simply Longshots past it.  
  
Ganondorf: *climbs up to where Fox and Yusuke are* That's a hell of a hole  
  
Fox: Very good, genius, now HOW DO WE GET PAST THE THING!?!?  
  
Yusuke: I hate to say to but we'll have to work together.  
  
Ganondorf: Oh no, not that!  
  
Fox: Get over it, we'll form a chain, I'm lightest, so you two swing me past the hole and then I'll pull you up.  
  
Ganondorf and Yusuke: DEAL!  
  
So they form a chain and Ganondorf swings it around, Fox grabs onto the rock.  
  
Fox: HA! Do you really think I'd be so generous! *tries to throw Yusuke back*  
  
Yusuke: *Pulls Fox down*  
  
Fox: Hey, I was just kidding! * pulls the other two up*  
  
Ganondorf: Good job! *kicks Fox down* That's for being a little Benedict Arnold!  
  
Ganondorf and Yusuke continue climbing while Fox dangles at the edge.  
  
Chibodee is climbing up with extreme difficulty.  
  
Moonbay: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE STRONG!  
  
Chibodee: And you're supposed to be able to give me a decent blowjob!  
  
Argo: Eww. god, I'm supposed to be a big jock, I just can't feel the force!  
  
Obi-wan: Argo! Believe! Believe in yourself!  
  
Argo: Master! It's no good.  
  
Obi-wan: Use the speed Argo, use the speed!  
  
Argo: I don't do drugs!  
  
Obi-wan: Do you want to win?  
  
Argo: Ah, what the hell.  
  
Suddenly Argo sprints ahead and scales the cliff.  
  
Slippy: Dear God, that was random.  
  
Bit: (thinking to self) Gosh, Argo sure does look hot climbing the cliff.  
  
Fiona: Bit, why do you like men?  
  
Bit: Well. umm. gosh, geez I really don't know. I didn't before, guess it makes the story funny, adds a bit of gay bashing.  
  
Fiona: It's not exactly normal is it?  
  
Bit: You know it really isn't.  
  
Fiona: Oh goodie, NOW GET OVER HERE!  
  
Bit: FIONA! You can't do this mid-race!  
  
Fiona: Who said I was doing anything? *puts gun to Bit's head* I just though I'd take a leaf out of Moonbay's book, but I ain't no whore so get going!  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile Puu is steadily flying along  
  
***  
  
All of a sudden a dark dragon bursts through and demolishes a good bit of everything. Hiei sprints past it, full demon.  
  
Hiei: You thought I was through!?!  
  
Kaiko: But the cow! I was sure it would stop you.  
  
Hiei pulls out a big hamburger and takes a bite.  
  
All else: *gasp*  
  
Shiek, Link, Argo, Moonbay and Chibodee, Ganondorf, Yusuke, Fiona and Bit just make it over the top before the dragon bursts apart the cliff. Hiei somehow dashes out of the rubble towards them.  
  
Fiona: Thanks for the ride Bit! *grabs him and tosses him over the cliff*  
  
Moonbay: Nice one girl! *throws Chibodee down too*  
  
Ganondorf and Link: Shiek, you're cheating! We're gonna reveal your identity.  
  
Shiek: Well that's not too bad.  
  
Link: Then throw you down the cliff. *the two carry out their threat*  
  
Hiei: *jabs Yusuke and sends him over the cliff as well*  
  
The remaining six enter a snowy region.  
  
Hiei: This seems too familiar.  
  
All of them sprint over to where there are a bunch of snowboards.  
  
Hiei grabs a black one, Link takes a green, Fiona goes for a pink, Moonbay grabs an orange, Argo takes a dark green, and Ganondorf gets a blood red. All six run up to a large platform, attach their snowboards and jump into a sixty foot plunge, each lands nimbly on the snow and starts the way down.  
  
Fiona spots a rail and goes for a backside grind. Ganondorf uses his floating ability to pull off some mega tricks.  
  
Moonbay: That's not fair!  
  
Link hacks at Ganondorf with his sword and the two start an intense fight why'll still on their snowboards.  
  
Hiei pulls ahead.  
  
Argo pulls up to Hiei, grabs him by the next and flings him upwards.  
  
Hiei: Bastard!  
  
Hiei draws his sword, aims and throws it at Argo, it barely pierces the sin on his nose and the tiniest trickle of blood starts dripping.  
  
Argo: OW! MY NOSE! I okay, if you're gonna play like that, I quit! *sits down and starts nurturing nose*  
  
Fiona finally leaves the pipe and gracefully performs a 720.  
  
Hiei: Impressive.  
  
Fiona: Thanks! I work out.  
  
Link takes the lead.  
  
Link: Later!  
  
Moonbay picks up speed and catches up with Link.  
  
Moonbay: Hey Link!  
  
Link: Forget it, you won't seduce me.  
  
Later.  
  
Link: Heh heh. heh heh. I haven't felt so horny since-  
  
Moonbay: Pervert.  
  
Ganondorf: How's it his fault, you flashed him.  
  
Moonbay and Ganondorf are neck and neck.  
  
***  
  
Puu finally reaches the top of the demolished cliff and grabs a blue snowboard  
  
***  
  
Finally Moonbay and Ganondorf reach the end and unfasten their snowboards, the two run into the newly paved street.  
  
Next is Hiei, followed by Fiona. Link hit a tree a long time ago.  
  
Moonbay and Ganondorf pick out skateboards, meanwhile Hiei takes the lead.  
  
Eventually all four are on the street.  
  
Ganondorf starts floating and pulls off a few Christ-airs, kick-flips etc.  
  
Hiei temporarily stalls along one of the quarter pipe ramps bordering the street.  
  
Fiona tries to turn a 180 but can't manage.  
  
Fiona: This is so much harder than snowboarding!  
  
Moonbay: See ya sista!  
  
Moonbay finally succeeds in a No Comply.  
  
Ganondorf is still pulling off massive tricks. Hiei starts getting angry, he somehow or another recovers his sword and trips Ganondorf.  
  
Eventually, Hiei leads with Moonbay close behind and Ganondorf just a little ways back. Fiona is still way way back somewhere.  
  
Fiona: Oh! It's no fair, what was that? PUU?!?!  
  
Puu speeds past Fiona in a blur.  
  
The three arrive at a railroad crossing, each abandons his skateboard and gets on a set of tracks. They start running. Fiona pulls up to the track, she prepares to step on when, WHOOSH! The train speed past.  
  
Puu flies overhead and grabs a set of tracks where he hovers just a few feet off the ground racing the train. He catches up with the other three.  
  
Moonbay: I can't believe I've gotten this far, I'm so close, now I can get through ANYTHING! Except for another session with Chibodee *shivers*  
  
Ganondorf looks behind, then his eyes almost pop out of his sockets as he picks up speed trying to get away from the engine trying to squash him flat.  
  
Hiei: PUU! What are you doing here?  
  
Puu says nothing but looks very determined.  
  
Ganondorf: Oh no! Cramp! I can't do it- WAHH! *the train on his tracks catches up with him and squashes him flat.  
  
Moonbay: EEEK!  
  
Hiei: Get over it!  
  
Moonbay sprints as hard as she can but the blue Union Pacific engine eventually catches her. A splattering sound can be heard.  
  
Hiei: (to self) I can do this, I'm the only decent athlete left! I can beat Puu! (aloud) OH YEAH! I CAN WIN THIS!  
  
Suddenly with a screech the trains start coming to a stop.  
  
Hiei: THE FINISH! IT'S STRAIGHT AHEAD! HA HA!  
  
Puu puts on a burst of speed, then in a cloud of dust the two cross.  
  
Hiei: Who won? Well???  
  
Behind them Phoenix gets out of the train that ran Moonbay over.  
  
Phoenix: What a lovely time!  
  
Hiei: That was you!  
  
Phoenix: Of course, an opportunity like this? You know I wouldn't pass up the chance of fist degree murder!  
  
Hiei: Actually I don't, but who won.  
  
Phoenix: Well, Puu got second-  
  
Hiei: YES! HA HA!  
  
Phoenix: And you got third.  
  
Hiei: WHAT?!  
  
Kuabara walks out.  
  
Kuabara: Hey, what kept ya?  
  
Hiei: WHAT?!?! The buffoon went the wrong way as soon as the race started!  
  
Phoenix: If you'll use your eyes, you'll see that the end of the course is where you started, the track is a giant circle. I said that you can't leave the track, I never said that it was illegal to go the wrong way.  
  
Kuabara: Guess I win! HA HA HA!  
  
Hiei: *jaw drops* You little-  
  
Phoenix: ah, ah, ah.  
  
Hiei: *shuts mouth, spits on ground and walks away*  
  
Phoenix: Hey look at Puu, he's being a wonderful sport.  
  
Puu: Puu!  
  
Kuabara: Ah, thanks Puu!  
  
Phoenix: Y'all can get some grub if ya wanna, it's only 2:00 by the time I round up the rest, it'll be 4:30 or so, we'll have an early dinner then.  
  
***  
  
4:30, Mess hall:  
  
Phoenix: I'm proud of you people! Casualties were amazingly low. Let's see. Moonbay was run over, so was Ganondorf, Brad was eaten by a Lobster and I threw Doc down a plunge of 10,000 feet. Though, Chibodee, Bit, Yusuke, and Zelda experienced the same sensation, they survived. I guess they're just special. I think we should have a moment of remembrance. okay moment over, dig in! Tonight for dinner we have something special! Some of you may wonder why this was called anime soufflé, well here's the reason!  
  
Soufflés appear everywhere.  
  
***  
  
After everyone's full to bursting.  
  
Phoenix: Pretty good huh? Well, the key ingredients are the ground up corpses of today's casualties! Well. except for Brad, it was only fair to let the giant lobster eat him.  
  
Everyone just stares.  
  
Phoenix: Well, I'm pleased at how well everyone's taking this!  
  
Van: Taking what?  
  
Phoenix: The soufflés, I was serious.  
  
All of a sudden the entire hall bursts out in retching noises.  
  
Leena: *coughs up something and looks at it* AHHH! *looks at partially chewed up fingernail and faints*  
  
Phoenix: WHAT?! It tasted good right? God, you people have no gut! You can stomach a little flesh!  
  
Everyone is still making retching noises and coughing up body parts.  
  
Phoenix: Get over it already!  
  
Later.  
  
Phoenix: Well now that everyone is as empty as they were before, I'll announce the point standings! Currently in first is Kuabara with 200 for winning the race. Puu is second with 150 for getting second today. In third is Hiei with 135. With 100 for 3rd place and 35 for pulling off enough decent tricks. Then we have Sci-scici with his 25, Fiona with 15 for pulling off a few tricks. And Argo has 1 for a tiny bunny hop during the snowboarding.  
  
Argo: Uh. I think that was an accident.  
  
Phoenix: Do you want the points or not? Looks like the rest of you still only have 0. Now it's 5:00, if I'm correct, we have a duel on the beach at 5:15. Since we had such an early dinner, I think. THAT THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GETTING!! See ya in fifteen. Jamie, Puu, come with me.  
  
The crowd disperses out of the hall.  
  
Bit: So, who do your bets go on?  
  
Fox: Puu, for sure.  
  
Bit: Yeah, Jamie's such a wimp.  
  
***  
  
Fifteen uneventful minutes later. The group is sitting in a giant stadium surrounding a large hole, with giant TVs on either side. Suddenly Phoenix runs out into the open clutching a microphone.  
  
Phoenix: Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Sand arena, made entirely of sand. *suddenly Argo falls right through the chair he's sitting in* As. was very well illustrated just then. Now today we have the champion Puu versus the challenger, Jamie. Fell free to place wagers at any time. Now, I give you PUU!!!  
  
Amidst huge applause, a door opens on one side of the stadium and Puu flies out wearing a large cloak, on either side of him every girl is standing in a bikini hailing Puu.  
  
Phoenix: And on the other side of the stadium I give you *stifles a yawn* Jamie.  
  
Everyone starts booing and throwing stuff at Jamie who quickly gives everyone double middle fingers. Both competitors step up to the hole. Metal planks jut out of the sides carrying the two to the middle, the planks connect and form a bridge.  
  
Phoenix: The two will fight over the large pit, it's kinda like on American Gladiators, except they won't be using giant cotton swabs, this is hand to hand combat! Now, wait for the whistle. *puts whistle to mouth and blows, crowd roars as the fight starts*  
  
Jamie immediately rushes Puu who nimbly flies into the air and nails Jamie with a drop kick. Jamie turns around and tries to crescent kick Puu who in turn jumps up and starts brutally pinching Jamie in the face. Then he kicks him downwards, flies up and body slams Jamie.  
  
Phoenix: Oh, bloody! Puu shows no mercy, he must be pissed like hell!  
  
Puu grabs Jamie's leg and starts bending it backwards. Jamie recovers and shakes Puu off. Puu flies to the other side of the bridge but lands on his feet. Jamie immediately rushes towards Puu and dives on top of him.  
  
Girls: PUU!!  
  
Puu is invisible under Jamie, then in an amazing surge of strength, Puu lifts Jamie up and flies over the bridge. Higher, higher, higher, until Puu changes direction and dive-bombs the bridge, 20 feet above he throws Jamie down and goes back up, then zooms towards Jamie. All is obscured by the sand that Puu kicks up. Puu walks away leaving Jamie in a bloody heap, then Jamie staggers up and grabs Puu, he lifts him up and throws him down into the pit, but Puu recovers before hitting the ground and flies back up, right as he gets on the bridge, Jamie's fist makes contact with Puu's face.  
  
All: *gasp*  
  
The giant TVs replay the scene over and over again.  
  
Phoenix: Oh, my God! Is it over? Is it all over? Will Puu really lose.  
  
Then, weakly, Puu staggers to his feet, blood dripping down his beak. Puu dramatically wipes it off. Then immediately propels himself towards Jamie and delivers a kick right in the stomach.  
  
Puu: PUUUUUU!!!!!  
  
Puu starts kicking and punching Jamie even harder.  
  
Puu: PUUUU!!!!! PUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! PUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!  
  
With a final uppercut, Jamie is sent flying into the air, Puu races upwards and punches Jamie down to the ground. After a few minutes Jamie staggers up breathing very hard. Puu nails him a few more times until Jamie reaches the edge of the bridge.  
  
Puu: Puu! Puu-puu puu, puu puu puu! Puu.  
  
Puu hits Jamie in the gut and Jamie plummets to the bottom of the pit.  
  
Jamie: PUUUUUUUUU!!!!! I'll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!  
  
Phoenix: And the fight is over! The champion is Puu! I believe the majority of you made good money just then. Well done Puu!  
  
Puu: Puu!  
  
Slippy is sitting outside the pit with a fishing rod.  
  
Slippy: Hey guys, I got one!  
  
Guys of Boys dorm A: Alright!! *all help Slippy pull*  
  
Slippy: We'll be eatin good tonight! Oh, wait never mind, it's only Jamie.  
  
Fox: Hey, Jamie, nice job, even though you got creamed like hell, ya made me thirty bucks! Ha ha!  
  
Jamie: *stares daggers at Fox and walks away*  
  
Eventually everyone goes back to their dorms.  
  
***  
  
Later, in Dorm B:  
  
All walk in, then psycho music starts playing again. Rob goes to the ceiling, pulls down trap, door, and socks the keyboard player, psycho music stops.  
  
Bit: *gasp*  
  
Rob: OH NO! *runs over to Peppy* Breathe! Breathe! *starts whacking Peppy* Live, damn you, LIVE!!! NOOOO! We've lost him.  
  
Bit: Chill out there was nothing you could do.  
  
Dommon: *now fully human* What are we gonna do?  
  
Rob: We can't let Fox know! Peppy was like a father figure for Fox, even though he was mental. FOX'LL KILL ME!  
  
Yusuke: We'll stash im in the closet!  
  
All else: Right!  
  
Kuabara: Say, kid, will ya quit hiding behind me, it's disturbing.  
  
Van: NO! I'm scared!  
  
Dommon: Bit already promised that he wouldn't hurt you, don't worry about it. *grits teeth* RIGHT BIT?  
  
Bit: Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, just don't kill me!  
  
Van: You don't understand! I have terrible memories of my childhood.  
  
Rob: Ya wanna tell us about it?  
  
Later.  
  
Van: *lying on bunk* So anyway, that's when he said we'll play a game.  
  
All else are yawning and playing cards, Rob is sitting with clipboard pretending to be writing notes.  
  
Rob: Uh-huh. *adds finishing touch to picture of R2-D2*  
  
Van: So then anyway. are you getting this?  
  
Rob: Sure.  
  
An hour later.  
  
Van: So that's about half of it, now let's see, then.  
  
Rob: Okay, you're doomed for life because you were raped as a child, we all know, don't worry, Bit won't harm you, and I seriously recommend that you watch fewer soaps. Now go play outside or somethin.  
  
Van: Uh, okay *goes outside*  
  
Rob: *in frustration* The kid's like a freakin broken record, I just know he's dying to tell us his entire life memories. we have to stop him!  
  
Yusuke: I've got an idea, he'll be kept busy and be useful to us!  
  
Later  
  
Dommon: Okay, Van-  
  
Van: Wait, I wanna tell you about the time I-  
  
Dommon: Tell us when you get back, now here's the list go out and find the items and don't come back till you do, okay?  
  
Van: Okay! *to self* let's see first, item, full color glossy of nude Christina Aguilera, WHERE AM I GONNA FIND THAT? Oh well, second item, fifty pounds or more of marijuana? Hmm.  
  
Hiei: Yusuke, you're a genius!  
  
Yusuke: Tell me about it.  
  
Meanwhile in Boys dorm A.  
  
Irvine: Say, George, uh what's wrong with Fox.  
  
George: Well, he played Star Fox adventures on one of those Gamecubes that we got with this dorm, and he's kinda in shock.  
  
Fox: I just don't get it!! How is it that I just controlled myself?!?! I just made my own self do stuff. AND WICH ONE IS THE REAL ME!  
  
Falco: Chill out, me and Slippy, me can accept it.  
  
Slippy meanwhile is trying to hang himself from his bunk.  
  
Chibodee: Slippy, that's not a good idea, c'mere, let's talk about it and find an alternate solution.  
  
Falco: Uh, anyway.  
  
Fox: Cannot. take. head, going to explode.  
  
Argo: Hey, hey, hey! Check it out, we got satellite, 47,356 channels! Including Playboy, Frog Playboy, Fox playboy, Playboy bird of prey Channel, and even Half-human half Fox Demon Playboy! And there's Senior +80 Playboy. Ew, never mind. Okay, take your pick.  
  
Later  
  
George: How long 'till lights out.  
  
Falco: Fifteen minutes ago.  
  
George: Oh, good just enough time.  
  
Irvine: So, what do we do tonight.  
  
Puu: Puu!  
  
Kurama: Puu has an idea!  
  
Falco: How'd you get here?  
  
Kurama: I'd rather not relive my experience.  
  
Puu: Puu! Puu-puu puu puu!  
  
Chibodee: Get drunk silly? Go around singing old college songs? Sounds like a time to me!  
  
Slippy: Too bad we ain't got no booze.  
  
Suddenly Puu flies out and flies back in carrying plenty of bottles.  
  
All else: Alright Puu!  
  
Irvine: Hey, Jamie, you comin?  
  
Jamie: Leave me alone.  
  
Argo: Welp, that's your call, later.  
  
Approx. 2:00 a.m.:  
  
All: *drunkenly walking back to dorm* Good night ladieees! (hiccup) It's time to say goodnight!  
  
Girls dorm:  
  
Leena: Will, they, ever, SHUT UP!?!?!  
  
Kaiko: Well, except for Puu of course!  
  
All else: Murmur in agreement.  
  
Zelda: Should we scare the hell outta them like last night.  
  
Allenby: No, I say we kill em off fair and square.  
  
Boton: With what?  
  
Rain: Bare hands?  
  
Leena: Okay, if we can find some rope, I might have an idea.  
  
Fiona: You realize that they've already stopped?  
  
Leena: So? Don't be such a spoiled sport, we'll kill 'em anyway, that's nine less people who'll pose a threat to one of us.  
  
Fiona: I guess so.  
  
Leena: Anyway, so we'll need.  
  
Meanwhile back in Boys A:  
  
Everyone but Jamie has fallen asleep destined to have the worst hangover of their lives tomorrow.  
  
Jamie: Hmmph! That Puu, he thinks he's so cool, I can't believe that I lost to him! I'll show him, I'll show them all! *formulates quick plan and goes over to Puu*  
  
Puu slowly wakes up with the sense that there's someone over him. He opens his eyes to see a gun sticking in his forehead.  
  
Jamie: Don't move or I'll blow your brain out of that stupid blue head! *quickly ties up Puu* We're gonna take a little trip.  
  
Meanwhile in the girl's cabin.  
  
Leena: okay, it' done, tomorrow morning the first one that walks out'll get it!  
  
All: Snigger devilishly.  
  
***  
  
And then, well I'd tell you what happens, but YOU SUCK so I won't tell you! No, uh, just kidding, but wait for the next chapter, if anyone's reading this that is. Hellooooooo???? 


	4. Day two or The Matrixish Fanfic or maybe...

Anime Souffle!  
Featuring Video Games Too.  
  
I have two reviewers!!!!!! Thanks to Raven and SilentVampireLover, you two rock!!!! Note: Didn't bother to spell check this, so there's probably gonna be a few mistakes.  
  
***  
  
Dawn of the second Day. wait a minute. never mind.  
  
Skull kid: HOW DARE YOU?!  
  
Phoenix: *take out bazooka* DIE BASTARD! *shoots skull kid*  
  
***  
  
Ok then. Boys dorm A:  
  
Irvine: *wakes up* Hey people, what's- AHHH!  
  
Fox: WHAT!? ARE WE UNDER ATTACK?! MAN THE-  
  
Irvine: NO! It's worse. Puu's gone. Oh and Jamie's also disappeared, but PUU'S GONE!  
  
Chibodee: I'll get Phoenix! *walks outside*  
  
Out in the bushes.  
  
Leena: Alright girls, here it is.  
  
Chibodee walks out as an axe swings from a tree.  
  
Chibodee: SWEET! A nickel! *ducks and picks up nickel right as axe swings by* Oh, look I'm standing in mud *steps to the side right as twenty spears hit the wall behind where he was just standing.* OH! Honeysuckle, I'm kinda hungry. *eats honeysuckle whole* HELP! I'm choking! I can't breath! *Suddenly, nerve gas sprays right into his face*  
  
Allenby: WHAT?!  
  
Chibodee: *cough, splutter, splutter* *gets out of gas cloud* Woah! That was too close! Oh look at that tree, I haven't climbed a tree in forever! *climbs tree right as one thousand buffalo stampede past, right below the tree* Well, that was certainly an uneventful day.  
  
Krystal: YOU SAID IT WAS FOOL-PROOF!  
  
Leena: Imagine the chances of that?  
  
Chobodee: Now what was I gonna do? OH YEAH! PHOENIX! PHOENIX, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?  
  
Red and gold phoenix swoops down and in a burst of smoke, Phoenix is standing there.  
  
Phoenix: What's up?  
  
Chibodee: It's horrible! Puu's disappeared, and umm. I think that's all that's important. oh and Jamie's gone too, but more importantly. PUU'S GONE!  
  
Phoenix: He might be out on a morning flight.  
  
Chibodee: Nah, he woulda left us a note or something.  
  
Phoenix: Well let's go.  
  
In dorm A:  
  
Phoenix: And you have no clues at all?!?!  
  
Irvine: Well, we found this letter, but we doubt it'll help.  
  
Letter:  
  
To whoever finds this. I have taken Puu and am on the highest peak of Mt. Mountain. Come there ASAP, bring no weapons and Phoenix must disarm his author powers. If you don't arrive by 12:00, Puu gets it.  
-Jamie  
  
Phoenix: No clues eh?  
  
Irvine: Nope.  
  
Phoenix: Well, I think I have a hunch anyway, follow me.  
  
***  
  
Dorm B:  
  
Yusuke: Van?! Where did you find all this stuff?!?!?  
  
Van is sound asleep.  
  
Van: Huh? What? Oh uh, it kinda took awhile.  
  
Link: *in Butthead voice* Huh huh, huh huh.  
  
Sci: Great job bro!  
  
Phoenix suddenly appears.  
  
Phoenix: C'MON PEOPLE! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! Where'd you get all that stuff?!?!  
  
Bit: We found it.  
  
Phoenix: I'll have to confiscate it for. special purposes. Now c'mon! I'll do a multi-disappear move.  
  
All disappear.  
  
All reappear at the bottom of Mt. Mountain, the rest are already there.  
  
Kaiko: What's this all about?  
  
Slippy: Jamie's taken Puu hostage!!!  
  
Kaiko: No way!  
  
Phoenix: Yes way, and worse, if I don't disarm my powers, he'll kill Puu!  
  
Hiei: Instead of disarming them now, just use them to disappear Puu back to us.  
  
Phoenix: I can't.  
  
Hiei: Because, why?  
  
Phoenix: Because my real world counterpart won't let me.  
  
Fox: What?  
  
Phoenix: The thing is, this isn't real to him, he says. Even if Puu dies, this is just a fanfic. Puu won't really be dead.  
  
Fox: WHAT?!?!?  
  
Phoenix: Never mind, I can't, we'll just leave it at that, now let's go, there's not much time left.  
  
So everyone starts the ascent up Mt. Mountain.  
  
About an hour later, at the top.  
  
All walk up to a giant snowfort.  
  
Phoenix: Okay, we're here, what are your terms?  
  
Jamie sticks his head over the barrier.  
  
Jamie: EMPTY YOUR POCKETS! *all else empty pockets* Good, good, Phoenix, have you disarmed your powers.  
  
Phoenix: yes.  
  
Jamie: Prove it!  
  
Phoenix: If my powers were armed, I'd get Puu right now.  
  
Jamie: Okay then.  
  
Kaiko: Let's see Puu!  
  
Jamie: Oh, ya wanna see your little friend, eh? *Jamie takes Puu, who's still bound in rope and holds pistol to his head*  
  
Phoenix: Where'd you get that gun?  
  
Jamie: Fiona dropped it yesterday, during the race.  
  
All glare daggers at Fiona.  
  
Fiona: WHAT?!  
  
Phoenix: Anyway, the problem is, that's only a six-shooter, so even if you fired perfectly, you'd only get six of us, then we'd wait till your fort melted and overpower you.  
  
Jamie: I'm glad you noticed that! *throws snowball at Bit*  
  
Bit: OW! *clutches eye* Sooooo cold, soooo cold!  
  
Jamie: *foaming at mouth* AND THERE'S 499,999 MORE!  
  
Phoenix: Is that what you spent all night doing?! You really have no life.  
  
Jamie throws snowball at Phoenix, who sidesteps it.  
  
Phoenix: Okay, we'll skip that part. What are your terms?  
  
Jamie: I want you to use your powers to give me better powers! THEN I CAN GRANT MY OWN WISHES!  
  
Phoenix: Two problems. One, how can I do that if my own powers are disabled, second, I can't make yours better than mine!  
  
Jamie: I've learned the truth, this is a fanfiction!  
  
Fox: AHHH! I thought the torment would end! Not only am I a simple video game character controlled by video geeks, now I'm a character used by an individual party for a fanfiction site without any copyright infringement! Will I ever control my own destiny!!!  
  
Jamie: I know, who's writing this! I want to go to the real world. I want to really live.  
  
Phoenix: Woah, this is way too much like the Matrix.  
  
Jamie: YOU! BLOODY PHOENIX IN REAL WORLD!  
  
Self (aka disembodied voice from the heavens): Yes.  
  
Jamie: I want you to grant me powers! Then I can go to the real world! *suddenly the sky goes all dark and stuff*  
  
Self: Wouldn't it be faster, if I just sent you to the real world?  
  
Jamie: Well, actually I just want the powers so that I could kill all these people.  
  
Phoenix: You can't kill me, I don't exactly exist, *in possessed voice*I am but a shadow of the real me.  
  
Fox: TOO MUCH INFORMATION! *head swells and blows up*  
  
Krystal: Yuk, now I'm covered in brain guts.  
  
Self: Listen, I'm not gonna send you to the real world, I can't for one thing.  
  
Jamie: But, I thought you had powers.  
  
Self: OH! Now I get it, you're a bit confused, see, I don't have powers in the real world, but my shadow which I created has powers in the Matrix, er, Fanfic. I also have powers in the Mat- Fanfic. Oh, for God's sake we'll call it the Matrix-ish Fanfic. I channel them through the computer. You see, however, I suppose you could get to the Real World if you were able to find a way to override the Word Processor and turn your name into a living entity. Thus you need to rethink your demands. *to the reader* Okay, if you're seeing spots yet, go and lie down, okay? I know it's confusing. I barely understand the plot myself. *to Jamie* It simply sums down to a matter of reality and fantasy. You only seems alive to yourself. You see, with the typing of this fanfiction -whose purpose is to entertain readers with the continued use of characters used within animes and video games after and/or outside of the plot line- I bring about a temporary world, a Matrix-ish Fanfiction. In which you believe that it's the real world. However, in reality you are nothing but words. I don't think you'll be able to break the barrier between fantasy and reality any time soon, no matter how many powers anyone has within the fanfic. It might be more of a technical question of re-writing programming for the word processor.  
  
Fiona: Dear God, it's the apocalypse!  
  
Self: No, it's simply the fact that you can't comprehend your destiny, just take comfort in the idea that you don't exist and that everything you're doing is being controlled by a higher entity. Though in reality I am in no way special. Think of me a s a god for a people who don't exist. Now, you know what, I don't like this plot, let's switch it around, give me a moment of my time, which isn't your time, to think of a better storyline.  
  
Bit: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! Can't you see we can't take it?!?!? *eyes roll into head. Brain swells. Head blows up*  
  
Several more people's head's blow up.  
  
Self: Yeah, that's better. Mr. Jones? Mr. Smith.  
  
Female supporting vocalists: Here come the men in black!  
  
J and K put on the glasses and take out the neuralizers  
  
J: Alright now, a big smile for the camera.  
  
FLASH!  
  
Jamie: My terms are that you give me (1) Respect. (2) That Puu leaves the island. (3) That I get to take over your roll in this game and (4) 5 Billion dollars!  
  
Phoenix: I like it how you made those (1) etc. things so clear.  
  
Jamie: Enough small talk, do you accept my terms?  
  
Phoenix: Group huddle!  
  
Inside circle:  
  
Kuabara: What're we gonna do.  
  
Phoenix: Well, I can give him (2) and (4), (1) is up to you people and (3) just won't work.  
  
Fox: I have an idea. We'll storm, the fort and pray for the best.  
  
Phoenix: WE CAN'T RISK THAT!  
  
Jamie: I'll fire in 20 seconds.  
  
Phoenix: Now we can risk that. CHARGGGGGGGE!  
  
In a hail of snowballs, the entire group charges the fort.  
  
In slow motion the camera perfectly captures how Leena is nailed with a snowball.  
  
Dommon: LEENAAA!  
  
Leena: No, Dommon, leave me. Go on.  
  
Dommon: *tears flying* I WON'T LET IT END LIKE THIS!  
  
Leena: Dommon, save Puu.  
  
Dommon: Hit it, Avril.  
  
"I'm with you" starts playing form nowhere.  
  
Dommon and Leena passionately kiss.  
  
Rain: Ah-hem!  
  
Dommon: Gazundheit.  
  
Rain: It's a freakin snowball! URRGH! *slaps Dommon* I can't believe this! HMMPH!  
  
Jamie continues flinging snowballs.  
  
Jamie: YOU'LL NEVER STOP ME!  
  
Irvine: There's the wall, ha it's only snow! *crashes into it and slides down in bloody heap*  
  
Phoenix: Okay, now, I'd like to know how he did that.  
  
Fox: Quick, human tower!  
  
All people who haven't gotten nailed by a snowball form a tower, Fox, who's at the top pulls everybody over.  
  
Jamie: HOW?! WHAT?! *towards highest tower and goes inside*  
  
Phoenix: He's going into the highest tower.  
  
Fox: C'mon!  
  
Fox leads the way up the amazingly generic spiral staircase. All enter top room.  
  
Phoenix: Boy, I gotta hand it to you, Jamie, this is an amazing fort!  
  
Jamie: SHUT UP! *points gun at Puu* NOT A STEP CLOSER, ya here me?!  
  
Boton: Can we negotiate?  
  
Jamie: *fires at Boton* HELL NO! You're time for bargaining is up.  
  
Falco: BOTON! UURGH! YOU BASTARDDDDD! *runs at Jamie*  
  
Then everything turns into slow motion.  
  
BANG!  
  
Phoenix: Is that the best sound effect you have?!?!  
  
Self: Yes.  
  
The smoke clears. Fox is standing between Jamie and Puu. Jamie fires at Fox four more times, Fox crumples to the ground.  
  
Krystal: FO- Ah, who cares, I'm with Falco now.  
  
Phoenix runs up and grabs Jamie by the back of the hair and starts bashing his head into the wall.  
  
Phoenix: I said, where's the diamond?!?!  
  
Jamie: I dunno what you're talking about!  
  
Phoenix: A likely story!  
  
Rob: Whoa, whoa, wrong cop flick sequence, pal, try this.  
  
Goes up to Jamie and sits him in chair.  
  
Rob: WHERE'S THE MAYOR?!?! *slaps Jamie*  
  
Allenby: No, no, no, it's this one.  
  
Later.  
  
Phoenix: So we agree, this is the sequence where we handcuff 'im and give im his rights.  
  
All else: Right.  
  
Phoenix: *to bloody heap, previously Jamie* Alright, you're comin' with us! Someone get Fox.  
  
Allenby: Gosh, we forgot all about him! We were supposed to be mourning then revengeful.  
  
Phoenix: Ah, no one reads the scripts anymore. Someone get Puu, he's been in a ruff ordeal. And get Boton. Boton, get over it, it was just a cap gun.  
  
All: WHAT?!  
  
Outside the fort, various people are lying on the ground. Dommon and Leena are doin' somethin' freaky.  
  
Phoenix: Oh, God, no, no, no, not here, not here.  
  
Later, in a big courtroom.  
  
Phoenix: Fox, stop pretending, you're fine. And you two *points to Leena and Dommon* quit doing that, two hours straight is long enough.  
  
Dommon: Party-pooper *turns into pig this time*  
  
Irvine: Alright, court is now in order, the honorable judge, Bloody Phoenix presiding.  
  
Phoenix: Thank you bailiff, the prosecutor Bit Cloud will. prosecute.  
  
Bit: I speak for my client when I say how deeply disgusted I am with the behavior of Jamie Heimeros!  
  
Jamie: Yo, Krystal, aren't you gonna object?  
  
Krystal: *filing nails* Huh what, oh, no, not really.  
  
Bit: As I was saying, this criminal, is clearly a dangerous maniac!  
  
Phoenix: I see.  
  
Jamie: Hey, look, you gave me the crap about "if you cannot afford an attorney one will be provided for you" and all, but I don't think my attorney is doing a good job of defending me.  
  
Krystal is brushing her fur.  
  
Phoenix: Ms. Krystal, do you believe you're doing a bad job of defending the defense?  
  
Krystal: Yes your honor.  
  
Phoenix: Well, that proves it. How does the defense plead?  
  
Jamie: Uh. innocent.  
  
All but Phoenix, Irvine and lawyers (in other words the jury): BOO!  
  
Phoenix: Mr. Cloud, how do you answer?  
  
Bit: What does Jamie think he is?  
  
Phoenix: 200 dollars, pick again.  
  
Bit: Exotic Cheeses for 500.  
  
Phoenix: The stench of this cheese- wait a minute. Oh well, take your two hundred and proceed with the case.  
  
Bit: Well, my client, Puu, has informed me, that Mr. Heimeros had kidnapped him late in the night and had attempted murder later the next day.  
  
Phoenix: Very well, call up your witness.  
  
Bit: Puu would like to call up, Fox McCloud!  
  
Fox: Hi, umm. well, see it was like this, we woke up and Irvine noticed that Puu was gone, so anyway, a while later, Phoenix somehow miraculously deduced that Jamie had kidnapped Puu, though none of us realize how. Later on, we were at this really big snow fort and it was cool and stuff. So we got up there and then I sacrificed myself for Puu, then I realized it was a cap gun. Uh, that's how I remember it.  
  
Phoenix: Very well.  
  
Bit: wait a minute, ya know yesterday when Fiona threatened me with that gun? I like, really didn't have to listen to her right?  
  
Phoenix: Well, she would've shot you but it wouldn't have done much damage, no.  
  
Bit: So, I could've won?  
  
Phoenix: Let's proceed with the case. Krystal? Any witnesses?  
  
Krystal: *reading magazine* I dunno, no not really.  
  
Jamie: WAIT, we have a witness!  
  
Krystal: Really? *yawns* Well, who is it.  
  
Jamie: Uh. Leena, yeah, that's right.  
  
Leena: Well, see, Jamie kidnapped Puu, then I got hit with a snowball, then Dommon and I started making love so I didn't see what happened next.  
  
Phoenix: Okay then, that's enough, has the jury reached a verdict?  
  
Jamie: Wait, you just oughtta remember, Leena, only said I was guilty of kidnapping, but not attempted murder and oh, you know, we can't trust Fox.  
  
George: Ah-hem. The jury has reached a verdict. Guilty of all charges.  
  
Phoenix: Let's see, that's punishable by.  
  
Jamie: A few years in the slammer, no prob? A fine, I can handle it.  
  
Phoenix: Well normally yes, but, this is Puu, so I'm thinking. twelve hours-  
  
Jamie: Just twelve hours?!?!  
  
Phoenix: -of the most extreme torture followed by slow and painful death. *slams hammer* Court dismissed! Jamie, your punishment will begin tomorrow at sunrise. Bailiff, take the criminal to his cell. Now, half the day's already gone, so I've cancelled today's plans and haven't decided what we're gonna do yet. oh, I know, report to mess hall immediately!  
  
Later in the mess hall:  
  
Phoenix: Okay, today is gonna be Intelligence Day! You'll each take the SAT's and we'll see how you do! GO!  
  
All start. Page one: Basic name registry.  
  
Chibodee: *to self* Hmm. last name. What's up with all these circles everywhere! And there's so many letters. how do I work this thing. Well, I'll come back to it. let's see, first name, no, middle initial, no.DOB? What the bloody hell's a Dob? I'll just put no. Sex. I'll put "yes please".  
  
Puu is steadily speeding along. Zelda is also doing well. Rain's doing okay. Rob and Slippy are writing steadily. Everyone else is stuck.  
  
Link: Hmm. don't have social security numbers in Hyrule. *whispering to Allenby* Hey, whaddya get for 2?  
  
Allenby: I got Allenby, but I'm not sure.  
  
Link: Let's see, two is fist name. that's what I'll put.  
  
***  
  
Kuabara: Uhh. what's Caucasian mean?  
  
Yusuke: Duh, it means. hmm. I dunno, it's a pretty big word.  
  
***  
  
Kaiko: Let's see, DOB, what IS a Dob.  
  
***  
  
Hiei: I think there's a mistake. we have Caucasian, Native American Indian, Hawaiian, Alaskan, Black, and other. WHERE'S DEMON ON THAT?!?!?!  
  
Phoenix: Just keep looking.  
  
Hiei: IT'S NOT HERE, DAMN IT, I THINK I'D BE ABLE TO TELL IF IT WAS!!  
  
Phoenix: Hey, hey, people are trying to work here, keep it down!  
  
Hiei: This is prejudice! Demon's have feelings too. We deserve rights.  
  
Inuyasha: Preach it!  
  
Hiei: Shut up half-demon!  
  
Inuyasha: *sobbing* No rights for me either way!  
  
Hiei: I won't do the test until "demon" appears on the-  
  
"Demon" appears on everyone's test paper.  
  
Hiei: Well, umm. look there under zip code! Not enough spaces. In demonland, our zip codes have 500 numbers!  
  
Kurama: Hiei, there is no demonland.  
  
Hiei: Yeah well.  
  
Phoenix: Okay, that's enough *Hiei turns into chipmunk*  
  
Leena: OH MY GOD! IT'S SO ADORABLE! IT'S JUST SO TINY, WITH THAT CUTE LITTLE MUZZLE! *picks up Hiei and starts stroking*  
  
Hiei: *in angry chipmunk squeaks* CHIK CHIK CHIK!!!!!!!!  
  
Leena: Oh, Phoenix, can I keep him? Please!!!!  
  
Phoenix: Umm. he should turn back into a human by tomorrow. but. ah what the hell. Go ahead.  
  
Kuabara: Hey, why don't you keep the little midget like that!  
  
Hiei: *leaps onto Kuabara's face and starts mercilessly scratching*  
  
Kuabara: Gerroff me! OWWW!  
  
***  
  
Chibodee: Must figure out what DOB is. must.  
  
***  
  
Van: Irvine, help me!!!  
  
Irvine: Can you do anything for yourself???  
  
Van: Uh. no.  
  
Irvine: Ask Fiona.  
  
Van: Fiona-  
  
Fiona: Ask- wait never mind, Moonbay's dead. Umm. ask someone else.  
  
Van: Rob?  
  
Rob: Fox.  
  
Van: F-  
  
Fox: Shut up.  
  
Phoenix: Van, quit annoying everyone.  
  
Van: Yeah but. *turns into chipmunk*  
  
Leena: AAHHHH! ANOTHER CHIPMUNK!  
  
***  
  
Page two: Basic reading comprehension:  
  
Chibodee: What in the hell's an analogy?!?!?!?  
  
Kaiko: It's a type of germ.  
  
Chibodee: Boy, you're smart.  
  
Yusuke: Hands off, pal.  
  
***  
  
Allenby: This is too hard, I don't know what the opposite of malnutritioned is! I hate this, it's no fair!  
  
Phoenix: I'll ask you very politely. SHUT THE BLOOODY HELL UP YOU BITCH!  
  
Allenby: *whining* But it's not fair *turns into chipmunk*  
  
Leena: ANOTHER ONE! HOORAY!  
  
***  
  
Much, much later.  
  
Leena is holding chipmunks: Hiei, Van, Allenby, Slippy, Kuabara, Kurama, and Rain.  
  
Leena: AAAHHH! SEVEN FUZZY CHIPMUNKS!!!!! WHAT A DAY!  
  
Phoenix: Okay, let's see here. this is Chobdee's HA HA HA HA! *bends over in laughter* Sorry, this is- is GAH-HA-HA! No, sorry, this is OH HO HO HO HO! *continues laughing hysterically for several more minutes.  
  
Chobodee: *in tears* IT'S NOT FUNNY! I GREW UP IN THE GHETTO! I NEVER WENT TO SCHOOL!!!! I'M NEARLY AS DUMB AS KUABARA! *continues sobbing, chipmunk Kuabara jumps on face and starts scratching evily*  
  
Phoenix: Okay, let me just say, you people suck! Eight of you were unable to complete the test because I turned seven of you into chipmunks and one of you was already a pig. Then, oh, these scores are horrible!  
  
George: So, how did you score on this test?  
  
Phoenix: Oh, you think I took it?!?! I'm not going into college. Anyway, the only scores worth mentioning are those of Puu, Zelda, and Rob.  
  
Kaiko: What's Dob?  
  
Many other people: *murmur in agreement*  
  
Phoenix: Possibly Department of Boogers, though many learned scientists are trying to figure it out. Anyway, we've killed enough time, mess hall now.  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Okay, we'll skip the witty dinner conversations and move right along to the score announcements. Currently, it looks like this. Puu is leading with 350 after gaining 200 today. Tied for second are Zelda and Kuabara, both with 200, Zelda earned her points by tying with Puu for first place today. Then it's Rob with 150 for second in the test. Then it's Hiei with 135, and I had to award 100 for third place today which goes to Krystal for marking at random and getting a decent score. Then, I gave Fox 50 for sacrificing himself for Puu today. Sci-scici with 25, Fiona with 15, and finally Argo with 1. That's all, now everyone, go off and make sure to have at least a good ten pages worth of late night adventures!  
  
***  
  
Zelda: I so can't believe I aced the test!  
  
Link: It's only cause you have that stupid triforce thing.  
  
Zelda: Well, you're still supposed to be smart too! And whatever happened to all that courage you were supposed to have!  
  
Link: Hey, shut up! *fires ice arrows at Zelda who dodges each one* I don't know why bother saving you time after time.  
  
***  
  
Girl's Dorm:  
  
Leena: AAAHHH! SEVEN CHIPMUNKS!!!! OH, what to DO first!!!  
  
Boton: How about you flush em down the toilet.  
  
Leena: NO! Besides, they're only gonna be chipmunks till tomorrow. I know! We'll have a tea party!  
  
Krystal: The girl has freakin lost it, just this morning she was trying to kill Chibodee.  
  
Leena: But they're so cute!!  
  
Hiei: *makes furious chipmunk noises*  
  
Fiona: Say, five of them are boys, you know they shouldn't be in here.  
  
Puu: PUU!  
  
Leena: But, they're only chipmunks!  
  
Fiona: They are now, but what about when we wake up tomorrow.  
  
Kaiko: Hey, she's right, I don't want to wake up with all my clothes out in the woods.  
  
Leena: Don't worry, I'm one of those people who have an internal alarm clock, I can wake up whenever I want to! Then I'll just take the boys out and they'll change back outside!  
  
Boton: Well, that's fine and good, but how can you tell which one's are boys.  
  
Leena: It's easy *picks up Hiei who tries to run away* The boys have-  
  
Hiei: CHIIIIIIIKKK!!!! *and other chipmunk noises that I don't know how to type*  
  
Leena: And that's how!  
  
Zelda: Well, if you're absolutely sure. Hey, where are you two going?  
  
Boton: Oh, us? Umm. me and Krystal are going to meet someone.  
  
Fiona: Ohhhhhhh, have fun *giggles*  
  
***  
  
Boys B:  
  
Sci: OHHH. so hungry! Phoenix didn't type out the dinner line, so we didn't have anything to eat.  
  
Dommon: *snort*  
  
Sci: Dommon! My, Dommon, you're such a. plump. juicy pig.  
  
Bit: Hey, Dommon's still a piggy! And quite a fat one at that, there's only five of us, plenty to go around.  
  
Dommon: *SQUUEAAAL!*  
  
Yusuke: No, no, we wouldn't eat Dommon. even though he does look soooo good with a little bit of seasoning. hmmmm.  
  
Dommon: *SQUEAL?!?!*  
  
Rob: Oh! I know the perfect recipe for- No, no, no, Dommon's our roommate, we can't eat him.  
  
Yusuke: Hey Link, why aren't you contemplating how tasty Dommon looks.  
  
Link: This sucks, damnit, look at this *points to magic meter in upper left screen corner* Look how low it is. I forgot all about it, and I haven't seen a jar all over the island.  
  
Bit: Can't you just eat it back?  
  
Link: Well, supposedly yes, but, I doubt we'll be able to make the potion, it requires the juices of a pig mixed with palm leaves.  
  
Sci: Well, I'd be happy to give you my palm leaf collection, but the pig, I don't know.  
  
Link: Dommon? Any ideas? Oh yeah you're still- a- no, no, I won't.  
  
Dommon: *snort?*  
  
Rob: What to do.  
  
***  
  
George: It's not fair! Slippy and Kurama get to go to the girl's dorm!  
  
Falco: Oh, I doubt they'll get to have any fun there.  
  
***  
  
Leena: Alright chipmunks, I don't want you getting into mischief while I'm gone, so you'll just have to come with me to the bathroom so I can change!  
  
Slippy and Kurama: *exchange looks of happiness*  
  
***  
  
Irvine: Anyway, it doesn't matter, at least Slippy won't make us watch Frog Playboy two hours straight.  
  
All: *shudder*  
  
Argo: True.  
  
Fox: So what do we do, we have to fill up at least as much page space as the rest did.  
  
Irvine: Yo, Falco, where ya goin?  
  
Falco: Uh, nothing, just to meet a few people.  
  
Chibodee: Oh ho ho, who are they?  
  
Falco: Boton and Krystal, Allenby too, but she's a chipmunk.  
  
Chibodee: DAMN! What a player! How'd you score three???  
  
Falco: Umm. I dunno, I think it's the blue coloring  
  
Fox: *snarling* Yeah, have fun, have lots and lots of fun.  
  
Falco: What's your problem?  
  
Fox: Geez. I sure don't know! Could it be- No, it's impossible. It couldn't possibly be that YOU STOLE MY GIRL!?!?!?  
  
Falco: Hey, easy come, easy go.  
  
Fox: EASY COME?!?!? EASY COME?!?!? So, having to go across a planet collecting all sorts of shit with a cheeky dinosaur is EASY?!?!  
  
Falco: Hey, don't blame me!!! It's not my fault I was born blue!!!! Get some hair dye or something.  
  
Irvine: Fox and Falco have been drawn into a fight over the woman they both love. What will happen??? Stay tuned for the conclusion of-  
  
Fox: Are you insinuating that this is a high school soap opera?!?!?!  
  
Irvine: Hey man, I'm just havin a bit o fun.  
  
Chibodee: Fox, can you try to not use such big words?  
  
Fox: Oh, I'm sorry, how's this?!?! *opens and closes mouth like a goldfish* IS THAT PRIMITIVE ENOUGH FOR YOU?!  
  
Chibodee: *nearing tears* You don't have to rub it in.  
  
Fox: I HATE ALL OF YOU! BURN IN HELL!!!!! *takes out blaster*  
  
Argo: Hey watch where you're pointing that thing!!!  
  
Fox: If you all don't shut up, the remarkably fat on gets it.  
  
Argo: Uh, it's called muscle, it's- OWW!  
  
Fox: Okay, enough playtime, how about I set it on. "Fry like a hamburger"?!?!?!?! What if I do that?!?!?!?!  
  
George: Phoe-  
  
Fox: Oh no you don't, he isn't helping YOU out.  
  
Falco: Fox can we-  
  
Fox: SHUT UP!!!! I will not have sex with you!  
  
Falco: Actually I was gonna ask if we can talk this ov-  
  
Fox: I SAID SHUUUUT UUUP!!!! *fires at Falco who dodges*  
  
Argo: By all means I think you've gone off the deep- *dodges laser blast*  
  
Fox: Now, you're all gonna stay right here, we're gonna sit here all night. and we're gonna be quiet.  
  
George: Umm. why?  
  
Fox: Because I said so.  
  
***  
  
Boys B:  
  
Rob: Okay, Dommon, I can make this very quick, and almost painless.  
  
Dommon: *SQUEEEAAAAL!!!!!!! SQUEEAAALL!!!!*  
  
Everyone has Dommon cowering in the corner.  
  
Rob: Okay, just hold still and you'll barely feel a thing.  
  
Owl sitting outside: Hoot! Hoot! Hooters! Hooters!  
  
Link: Where, where's the Hooters?!?!  
  
While all are distracted Dommon sprints away, still squealing like a maniac.  
  
Sci: Dinner! Er. Dommon! Quick to the Hummer!  
  
Batman Logo spins in and out of the screen.  
  
Bit: Alright, you tender hunk of bacon, we're comin for ya!  
  
The hummer zooms out of the bat cave and after Dommon.  
  
Dommon: *SQQQQQUUUEEEEAAAALLLL!!!!*  
  
Rob sticks his arms out of the Hummer, then they turn into machine guns, kinda like Vash in Trigun. Rob fires madly at Dommon.  
  
Yusuke: Since when could you do that?!?!?  
  
Rob: Damned if I know.  
  
Suddenly the animation turns Cowboy Bebop and the camera perfectly captures the flashes of light as bullets rain all around Dommon.  
  
Dommon runs up to a cliff, a river's running down below in a canyon. Dommon hesitates then jumps. The animation style returns to normal and goes slow- mo as the Hummer flies over the cliff.  
  
Bit: W W W A A A A A A H H H ! ! ! (slow-mo writing)  
  
SPLASH.  
  
All get out of the Hummer and swim after Dommon.  
  
***  
  
Fox: Keep sitting.  
  
CRASH! Dommon runs into the dorm.  
  
Fox: *drops blaster in shock* WHAT TH- *all others tackle Fox*  
  
Argo: Thanks Dommon.  
  
Rob and others burst in.  
  
Bit: Give that pig back he's ours! You can't have him!  
  
Phoenix suddenly appears.  
  
Phoenix: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL GOING ON!?!?  
  
Falco: Fox went mad, he threatened us with the blaster, he's crazy.  
  
Phoenix: And it looks like he can't breathe, but that's alright, now let me guess, you lot tried to eat Dommon.  
  
Sic: *with guilty expression* We were hungry!!!  
  
Phoenix: Ahh, no harm done, *turns Dommon back into human* Okay, then-  
  
Dommon: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!?!? DEAR GOD, IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE?!?!? YOU WERE GONNA EAT ME!!!!!!!!! YOU RAN ME ACROSS THE FREAKIN ISLAND TRYIN TO ROAST ME ALIVE!!!  
  
Bit: Well. not alive anyway.  
  
Dommon: *punches Bit in the stomach* I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!!! Phoenix, can you torture them or something?!?!  
  
Phoenix: Oh come on, it's alright, you know they didn't- well, they did mean it, but they never did eat you.  
  
Dommon: Whatever! I'm going to torture Larry King. *slams door wich falls off of hinges*  
  
Phoenix: Alright then, as for Fox, I'll take the blaster and leave the rest of you to see to him. Sayonara! *disappears*  
  
Yusuke: Well, uh, guess we'll be leaving then. gotta find the Hummer.  
  
Chibodee: Scram then.  
  
***  
  
Later.  
  
Argo: Okay Fox, now I think you've learned your lesson.  
  
Fox: *mouth gagged* MMMPH! MMMMPPHH!  
  
Argo: *removes gag* Had enough?  
  
Fox: MAKE IT STOP!!! I can't stand it *Fox is bound to a chair with his eyes taped open being forced to watch Playboy Seniors +80* I'm sorry, damn it!  
  
Argo: Oh goodie, I'll just keep you here for another few hours just to let it sink in.  
  
***  
  
Well, that's it. This chapter could've been better, I'll make up for it. Later. 


	5. Day three or There's no business like sh...

Anime Soufflé!  
Featuring Video Games Too  
  
Day Three, Girl's dorm:  
  
Leena wakes up and checks watch.  
  
Leena: Hmm, I overslept a hair. wait. HIEI! KURAMA! SLIPPY! KUABARA! YOU PERVERTS!!!  
  
Boton: Leena, you couldn't possibly keep it d- WHAT THE HELL?!?!?  
  
Hiei: Oh shit.  
  
Leena: YOU LITTLE TURD!!!  
  
All other girls wake up.  
  
Kuabara: Heh-heh, we can explain.  
  
Slippy: We kinda changed early and well. heh-heh.  
  
Outside the dorm:  
  
The entire building is shaking violently, the camera catches a few fragments of speech.  
  
"C'MERE, YOU SEEMED TO LIKE ME A FEW MINUTES AGO!"  
  
"OOOWWWWWW!"  
  
"WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE VAN?!?!?!"  
  
"I'M SORYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!"  
  
Etc. Etc. Etc.  
  
***  
  
Four bloody heaps are thrown outside next to Van who is calmly sitting indian-style on the ground.  
  
Van: Well, can't say I didn't warn you.  
  
Hiei: Don't. Say. A. Word.  
  
Kurama: Well, you can't say it wasn't worth it.  
  
Kuabara: Amen.  
  
***  
  
Hiei, Kuabara, and Van walk into their dorm.  
  
All but Bit: *grab all three and throw them violently into the floor*  
  
Link: SPILL IT.  
  
Hiei: It was bliss.  
  
Kuabara: Oh the things we've seen.  
  
Van: *looking proud* I went outside immediately because-  
  
Van is thrown out.  
  
Yusuke: All of it in detail. Now.  
  
***  
  
Girl's dorm:  
  
Boton: *in mocking Leena voice* "OH, THEY'RE SO CUTE!"  
  
Kaiko: *Same voice* "I HAVE AN INTERNAL ALARM CLOCK!" *normal voice* BULLSHIT!  
  
Zelda: I'm covered in saliva! Look at this!  
  
Puu: PUU!  
  
Fiona: Shut up, they didn't touch you!  
  
Allenby: They must've changed before us for some reason.  
  
Krystal: I'm complaining to Phoenix!  
  
***  
  
Later in the mess hall:  
  
Krystal: Where is Phoenix?  
  
All the girls are sitting away form the boys who are huddled in conversation. Food is already lying on the tables. Sometime near the end of breakfast:  
  
Phoenix appears covered in blood (not own) and looking exhausted.  
  
Phoenix: *slumps into chair, immediately all girls rush towards him complaining* Will you GET AWAY FROM ME!! *all fly back to table* God, Jamie's torture isn't going too well, he's not screaming nearly enough. now what's the problem, I don't have much time.  
  
Leena: Okay, well, those chipmunks turned back into the boys and all of them but Van-  
  
Phoenix: Boys, leave the girls alone, okay problem solved.  
  
Kaiko: THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO?!  
  
Phoenix: I can't get you your virginity back.  
  
Krystal: YEAH, BUT-  
  
Phoenix: Okay, look, I'll make your dorm anti-boy proof, if any male chromosones are detected, the source'll get blasted by several thousand volts of electricity. Deal? Good. Now, follow me out on the beach.  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Behind me is Damnation, a Vegas-style casino I built last night. Today, you oughta know, is Vegas Show day. Rules is easy. I'm gonna leave you all here while I continue with Jamie's torture. Oh and I need two of you to be in charge while I'm gone, let's see. How 'bout Irvine and Zelda. Okay. Rules: Tonight, starting at 8:00, I'll be watching several Vegas shows. You'll be planning them. You can do it individually, or you can team up. You or you and your team will plan, set up and perform a Vegas-style show. Me and whoever isn't involved in a show will be watching them. Know however that if you win, you have to divide the points by however many people are involved. Your resources are unlimited. Oh and I'm giving Zelda and Irvine limited powers. They'll be able to hurt you if they wish. Okay, you two, stand by.  
  
Irvine: Will this hurt?  
  
Phoenix: Normally no, today yes. *points fingers at both, loud ZAP! is heard* Okay, you too have enough power to enforce your authority and to communicate with me telepathically. You also have enough power to make stuff appear when anyone requests something, but no one can request additional people or animals. BUT, if you abuse your powers, I swear that the consequences won't be pleasant. GO! *disappears*  
  
Irvine: Okay, first of all, I want all the girls to-  
  
Zelda: I HAVE JUST AS MUCH POWER THAN YOU, AND I SAY THEY DON'T HAVE TO!  
  
Irivne: Take it down a notch.  
  
Zelda: Furthermore, Kuabara, Slippy, Kurama, Hiei, come here, I want to make an emample of you four. This will serve as a warning to the rest-  
  
Irvine: WELL I SAY, NO!!!  
  
Zelda: Don't make me report you for obstruction of justice!  
  
Irvine: Don't make me report you for obstructing my obstruction of your so called "justice"!  
  
Kyabara: Excuse me, I need a giant screwdriver for a prop.  
  
Irivne: Here. Now, as for you-  
  
Zelda: BLAH BLAH BLAH! I CAN'T HERE YOU!!!!  
  
Irvine: Fine then!  
  
Zelda: Hmph!  
  
Irvine: Hmph!  
  
***  
  
Boton: Girls, I have an idea for a show that needs all of us! *all huddle together*  
  
Zelda: Okay, I'll get the stuff! *several hundred lights and stage props of all sorts appear*  
  
***  
  
Bit: Hey, Rob, I've got an idea!  
  
Rob: Do tell.  
  
***  
  
Van: Hey, Irvine! Where ya goin, I have an idea!  
  
Irvine: I just wanna check out the casino.  
  
***  
  
Inside Casino:  
  
Irvine looks around and sighs with content. Walks over to blackjack table.  
  
Very clichéd-looking dealer-lady with clichéd name of Sherry: How much would you like to wager*  
  
Irvine: *pulls out life-savings* Uh, we'll start off slow. how 'bout 75?  
  
Sherry: Very good. *deals out cards*  
  
Irivne: *looks at cards (8 and 4)* Uh. hit me.  
  
Sherry: Okay. *deals card*  
  
Irvine: *looks at queen* DAMN! I bust. oh well, let's have another go.  
  
***  
  
Rob: Bit, are you sure?  
  
Bit: Yeah, see you're good for it cause you've got the name, and I'm good for it, cause I thought of it. Now let's see. *goes over to Zelda* Yes, I'd like a #1, make it super-size, and a large White Tiger.  
  
Zelda: Please pull up to the first window.  
  
Bit pulls up to the first window.  
  
Zelda: Oh, I'm sorry, we don't have live animals, how's this? *stuffed tiger appears*  
  
Bit: Uh. well, if that's the absolute closest you can get then.  
  
Zelda: Here's your hamburger and drink, *Bit takes a bite out of the hamburger* thanks for choosing Jack in the Box!  
  
Bit spits out his hamburger and passes out.  
  
***  
  
Allenby: Look, Boton, I don't feel too comfortable about your show idea.  
  
Boton: Oh, come on, every great woman started out like this!  
  
Allenby: What about Monica Lewinski?  
  
Boton: Ohhh yes. DEFFINITELY Monica Lewinski!  
  
***  
  
Irvine: Alright Sherry, I'm feelin pretty good about this hand.  
  
Sherry: Alright then.  
  
Irvine: *looks at 4 and 4* HIT ME!  
  
Sherry: Okay.  
  
Irvine: *looks at additional 5* HIT ME!  
  
Sherry: K  
  
Irvine: *looks at 9* NOT FAIR!!!! I'M GOING TO THE SLOTS! *walks over to the slot machines* WOW. so many.  
  
***  
  
Falco: What talent do I have?  
  
Hiei: Join us, we have a plan.  
  
Falco: Details.  
  
Link: It goes like this.  
  
Falco: I see.  
  
Yusuke: Let's see, that makes. four of us.  
  
Slippy: I don't care what your doing, but I'm in.  
  
Hiei: Awesome!  
  
***  
  
Fox: Need, to think of something.  
  
Kurama: I'll offer you the chance of assistant for the amazing Kurama! You'll have to settle with a small amount of points as your role is so meager.  
  
Fox: My, someone is a bit conceited.  
  
Kurama: Do you accept or not?  
  
Fox: As a matter of fact I dob't, I'll do my own solo show and prove that I'm better than you!  
  
Kurama: *turns into Yoko-Kurama* WE WILL SEE MORTAL.  
  
Fox: Your part fox? Okay, now I really need to kick your ass.  
  
Kurama: Bring it on!  
  
***  
  
Kuabara: Doo-dee doo.  
  
Hiei: What are you doing nimrod?  
  
Kuabara: Makin my show!  
  
Hiei: Tell me, why are you making a show for people obsessed with large objects? *gestures at giant screwdriver, pear, and globe*  
  
Kuabara: For your information, it's all a big part of the show. Get it? A BIG part of the show *starts laughing hysterically*  
  
***  
  
Argo: Anyone wanna get good points easily? Join me!  
  
Chibodee: Tell me more.  
  
Argo: Well it's. *whispering*  
  
Puu: Puu!  
  
Van: Okayyyy. I guess so.  
  
Argo: Dommon, Sci-scici, George, join the fun! We need people!  
  
Dommon: Got nuthin better to do.  
  
Sci: I'm in bro!  
  
George: Fine.  
  
***  
  
Irvine: Okay, this is the last nickel, I SWEAR IT! Oh, crap. oh well, one more. God, I hate this machine, let's try. FORTUNE 500!  
  
***  
  
Rain: So that's it?  
  
Boton: Pretty much.  
  
Rain: Well, it's not too bad.  
  
Kaiko: You're right, but are these pills totally nece-  
  
Boton: Yes.  
  
***  
  
Hiei: NO, NO, and for the last time NO! Link, it's not that difficult, swing in, pretend to slice me up, then, get on your freakin horse and ride off!!!!!  
  
Link: Well, it's kinda hard for me to use this sword without yelling "HUUT! HYAHH! HAA!"  
  
Yusuke: Get over it already.  
  
Hiei: Oh, you're one to talk, can't you aim that thing better?  
  
Epona: NEEIGHH!  
  
Hiei: SHUT UP! This isn't working!  
  
***  
  
Bit: Okay, then, you got it down?  
  
Rob: Yeah, but.  
  
Bit: Good!  
  
Rob: There's a problem, it's gonna take awhile to get the German accent programmed.  
  
Bit: Fantastic. That's like the most important part of the whole thing.  
  
***  
  
Argo: Okay, from the top now. *all start doing the can-can, then all collapse* URRRGH! You can stay balanced longer than that!!!  
  
***  
  
Kuabara: *to self* Ok, let's see. "So then the chicken says." What does the chicken say? Ah, shit.  
  
***  
  
Irvine: Okay, c'mon, c'mon, C'MON!!! D'oh. Okay, last one FOR SURE!  
  
***  
  
Fox: Is that really your crummy idea?!?! *laughing like a maniac* Is that really your idea?!?!?  
  
Kurama: *also laughing crazily* And you're really gonna try that, your crazy!  
  
Fox: Well, at least my plan can actually be done.  
  
Kurama: At least I have the actual talent my plan requires.  
  
*** Zelda: Lunch time! All report to Mess Hall!  
  
***  
  
Mess Hall:  
  
Hiei: Okay, we have to double our effort at this point, we've spent all morning horsing around, time to make something out of it.  
  
Yusuke: Hiei, I hate to break it to you, but we're not professionals.  
  
Hiei: *in inspiring football coach voice* C'mon guys! We can do this! You have to think of it like- like a really big hot dog!  
  
Falco: The hell you talking about?  
  
Hiei: You know, it's like a hot dog that you want real bad, but- but, you don't have enough change for it, so you dig around, and you dig some more, and I'll be damned if you're still short 35 cents! So, you don't give up! You get down on your knees and you look for 35 cents! Then, if that don't work, you reach down into the sewer! And you poke around until you hit something, but it's out of reach! So, you stretch out your arm like mad, and you grab it! Then, you accidentally drop it, so you work even harder until you grab it again! You pull it out and it turns out to be two quarters! So, you've got enough for that hot dog! Plus 15 cents more! You know what that means? That means that now, you can get that hotdog AND get some relish! See what I mean?  
  
Slippy: Let me put it this way. NO. Instead, we think that you've lost it.  
  
Hiei: Ah, shit, I was just tryin to inspire you guys to give it your all.  
  
Link: *in sissy voice right as sappy music starts playing* Aw, c'mon Hiei, you don't have to try to inspire us-  
  
Slippy: -because we're screwed one way or the other! *record scratches and sappy music stops*  
  
Yusuke: Look, it ain't happenin, I'm sorry, it just ain't.  
  
***  
  
Boton: Hey, no, no, no! Leena, do you realize how much fat and carbs are in that?!?!  
  
Leena: Yeah, why?  
  
Boton: We have an image to keep up, damn it!  
  
Leena: Your no fun.  
  
Boton: Do you want the points?!?!?  
  
Leena: Ummm. yes.  
  
Boton: THEN EAT SOME COTTAGE CHEESE INSTEAD!!!  
  
Allenby: I still have a few doubts about this Boton.  
  
Boton whacks Allenby with broom.  
  
Boton: Any other complaints?  
  
Kaiko: Well, all you have is that broom, I mean, if we wanted to, you know how easily we could overpower you.  
  
Boton: A good point, but you don't know what I have up my sleeve... *camera switches behind Boton as she pulls seven pictures out*  
  
All others: *gasp*  
  
Zelda: You wouldn't!  
  
Fiona: Where the hell did you get those?!?!  
  
Krystal: You sick bitch.  
  
Boton: You know girls, tangled as our relationships are, your current boyfriends wouldn't be pleased to see these.  
  
Rain: Wait a minute, Dommon dumped me!  
  
Boton: Well then. as for you, umm. how aobut this? *pulls out additional picture*  
  
Rain: YOU WOULDN'T!  
  
Boton: I would.  
  
***  
  
Zelda: *to all* Lunch over!  
  
***  
  
Bit: Okay Rob, 6 ½ precious hours left.  
  
Rob: Uh. yeah, I've almost fully downloaded the German accent program.  
  
***  
  
Argo: NO! not like that! No!  
  
***  
  
Kuabara: "So anyway, then he says, he says" Ah, I'll never get it.  
  
***  
  
Hiei: I'm ruined!  
  
***  
  
Irvine: Alright Sherry, I'm back and I'm feelin hot!  
  
Sherry: Place your bet and we'll pick right up.  
  
***  
  
Kurama: Oh, yeah, not feelin too cocky now are we?  
  
Fox: Ha! I've been ready to go for hours now!  
  
***  
  
Boton: *grinning evily* Yes. yes. very good.  
  
***  
  
Jamie: STOP! YARGH! AUUGH!  
  
Camera switches to show shadows on the wall. Phoenix's shadow is holding up some kind of revolving instrument which he then evilly jabs into Jamie. Shadows of little bits of stuff and liquids are seen flying out of Jamie's twitching form. Phoenix's maniacal laughter fills the room.  
  
***  
  
Later, oh so much later in the mess hall:  
  
Phoenix appears in the mess hall looking quite pleased with himself.  
  
Phoenix: Hey. How's it goin? Well, Jamie's dead and in honor of the occasion I whipped up a special meal!  
  
Hiei: God help us.  
  
Phoenix: Let me pretend I didn't hear that. *large covered plate appears in the center of the table* Now, I give you. *lifts metal. uhh. covery thingy* barbecued Jamie! *Jamie's burnt form is lyingon the plate with all kinds off greens surrounding it*  
  
Most of everyone: *look away in disgust*  
  
Phoenix: Aww. you haven't even tried it! It's good, but he's kinda small so everyone take small portions, okay? Don't look at me like that, y'all can stomach a little flesh!  
  
Falco: Well, I eat small rodents.  
  
Slippy: I snack on flies.  
  
Fox: This isn't too much different, I mean, we're animals, they eat us, it's perfectly moral for us to eat them, right?  
  
Krystal: I guess so. *takes small portion of Jamie and chews* Hey, it's not too bad.  
  
Phoenix: There you go!  
  
Kaiko: Tell me at least you have drinks?  
  
Phoenix: Let's see. Jamie's blood. stomach acid. etc.  
  
Van: This is lemonade right? *takes gulp*  
  
Phoenix: Pus actually.  
  
***  
  
Hiei: There is no way, I can eat this! *turns into Demon* Okay, it's cool, now I can eat it.  
  
Kurama: Same here *turns into Yoko-Kurama*  
  
Rob: Why should I care, I can barely taste food period. *digs in*  
  
***  
  
Slowly more and more people taste Jamie's corpse.  
  
Phoenix: *with mouthful of liver* Not too bad, huh?  
  
Kuabara: Hey, this hand is awesome!  
  
Phoenix: That's your own hand.  
  
Kuabara: X_X  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Alright, let's go over to the casino and start the shows!  
  
***  
  
All walk into the casino to see Irvine steadily losing money to Sherry.  
  
Irvine: *wearing nothing but underwear* Hey guys! Uhh. I kinda ran out of money to bet so uh. yeah.  
  
Phoenix: Get away from there! You have a show to do!  
  
Irvine: Hang on, just one more hand! *gets cards and gets ready to look*  
  
Phoenix: NOW! *Irvine flies back to the group*  
  
Sherry: Well let's see, oh! You had a king and an ace just then! Too bad you couldn't stick around long enough.  
  
Irvine: .  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Okay, let's see. first up is Fox, so you go in that door to the left and we'll enter the theater.  
  
Fox: Uh. okay.  
  
Phoenix: Okay, we're in, now it's customary to get drinks, so four to a booth and then wait for the servers to take your drinks!  
  
Phoenix gets in a booth next to Fiona, Dommon, and Leena.  
  
Server: What can I get you?  
  
Phoenix: Human blood.  
  
Fiona: Water, no ice.  
  
Dommon: Bloody Mary with a blue umbrella.  
  
Leena: Same here.  
  
Fiona: So, what, are you some kind of a vampire?  
  
Phoenix: Only on Fridays.  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: *to entire theater* Okay, let's see, can't read the card. oh! Let me see, first is Fox McCloud in Fox Newton, Mr. Vegas himself.  
  
Applause fills the theater as the curtain lifts and shows Fox sitting on a piano bench.  
  
Fox: Eh-hem, Eh-huh! *other coughing sounds, followed by cracking of knuckles over piano keys*  
  
Bit: *to own booth* I can see where this is going.  
  
***  
  
Fox: Thank you! Thank you!  
  
All finally take hands off of ears and applause tremendously.  
  
Phoenix: Okay, now we leave the theater and come back in.  
  
Rain: Umm. why?  
  
Phoenix: Don't ask questions!  
  
***  
  
Outside of theater:  
  
Phoenix: Okay, now Kurama, go through the door and the rest of us will casually wait until Fox comes out. And then pretend as if this is the first show of the night and that Fox has been with the crowd the whole time.  
  
Kurama: Umm.  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Okay, tonight's performance is-  
  
Bit: Whaddya mean tonight's? As if it's the only one?  
  
Phoenix: *through clenched teeth* What are you talking about, this is the first and only performance of the night, remember. . . *unclenches teeth* Now, we present, master magician Kurama!  
  
Curtain lifts to reveal Kurama in a goofy cape.  
  
Kurama: *takes out rose and throws into audience, no one bothers to catch* I am Kurama! Prepare to see fantasies that you never dreamed possible!  
  
***  
  
All applause as the legless Kurama hobbles back into the back.  
  
***  
  
We'll skip the whole moving about routine:  
  
Fox: *laughing at Kurama, then in mock Kurama voice* "Watch me cut myself in half!" HA!  
  
Kurama: Well, I did better than you!  
  
Fox: Whaddya mean, didn't you hear the clapping?  
  
Kurama: That was because they were so glad that it was over.  
  
Phoenix: And now, Argo Flatley's Russiandance!  
  
Argo: *doing best at Irish accent* We will be performing for you tonight, several dances from my home country! *annoying music starts*  
  
All start moving feet in crazy patterns  
  
***  
  
Argo: This one is called-  
  
Chibodee: Look, Argo, everyone hates our show! Look they're barely awake! IT SUCKS!  
  
Argo: Really? Fine. Do. it your way then.  
  
Chibodee: *face lights up* sure! *gets down and starts break-dancing*  
  
George: Riiiiiight.  
  
Others, not knowing what to do just start bobbing their heads to the music  
  
***  
  
Music stops and Chibodee gets back up amidst extraordinary applause.  
  
Chibodee: Thank you! Thank you! We love ya New York!  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: And now, Kuabara, who couldn't think of a Vegas-show-related-pun, doing impressions and comedy.  
  
Curtain rises showing all of Kuabara's giant stageprops.  
  
Kuabara: Hi. um. I'm Kuabara. and I'd like to do my impression of. somebody. not sure who. tell ya what we can skip that part and move right on to the jokes, yeah. So, it goes like this. there's a French bulldog, a monkey, um. and Harry Truman and then, the monkey, he says. oh, gosh, hmm, uh, hmm, I'm not sure. anyway then.  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Okay, now it's Bit-fried and Rob, Magicians of the Century.  
  
Curtain lifts.  
  
Bit: *in German accent* Welcome to a world of mystery and imagination.  
  
Rob: In which we will guide you to- what was it?  
  
Bit: Just never mind. At this point we'll quit talking to enhance the feeling of mystery and do some cool stuff, hopefully.  
  
Both try to walk about majestically while a cage is lowered down, Rob gets in and Bit covers it in a cloth. Then he stabs it with several swords and lights it on fire.  
  
Muffled voice inside cage: Ow. ow. ouch.  
  
Everyone sees how the trapdoor at the bottom opens and Rob falls into the floor then puts something inside the cage. Bit douses the flames and removes the swords then takes off the cloth to reveal a stuffed white tiger.  
  
***  
  
Bit: We'll be needing a volunteer at this point.  
  
No one raises hand.  
  
Rob: How about you *points to Allenby*  
  
Allenby: *to self* Fantastic.  
  
Bit: Where are you from?  
  
Allenby: Neo Switzerland.  
  
Rob: Kentucky huh? Been there myself.  
  
Allenby: Whatever.  
  
Bit: Okay, we'll need you to get in this tank.  
  
Allenby: What are you gonna do?  
  
Rob: A magic trick, what else? *No one laughs* Now, get in the tank and we're about to dump a lot of water in there. Then-  
  
Allenby: Am I at personal risk here?  
  
Bit: *ignoring* Okay, here goes! *entire tank fills with water* Now we will make Allenby disappear from the tank!  
  
Rob: Using the magical art of magic!  
  
Tank is covered by curtain  
  
Bit: Hocus Pocus!  
  
Tank lifts to reveal Allenby still in the water.  
  
Rob: Oops! Let me try! Alakazam!  
  
Allenby is still in the tank looking as if the can't hold her breath much longer  
  
Bit: *starting to sweat* Heh heh. third try's a charm! Aleekaboo!  
  
Allenby starts banging on the glass.  
  
Rob: Oh shit. Phoenix! We need help!  
  
Phoenix: What's the problem?  
  
Bit: Are you freakin blind?  
  
Phoenix: I don't like your tone there.  
  
Rob: WHAT IN THE HELL'S YOUR PROBLEM?!?!  
  
Phoenix: Oh is that how it is, well maybe I just won't help then!  
  
Allenby starts shouting underwater  
  
Leena: What's wrong with you, she's gonna die!  
  
Phoenix: Why's that a problem? Saves me the trouble of deciding what to have for breakfast.  
  
Puu: Puu!  
  
Phoenix: Okay! Geez, fine Puu, but only because I respect you.  
  
Zap!  
  
Allenby is gasping for breath on the floor wet from head to toe.  
  
Allenby: *gasping* W-what took so *gasps* long?  
  
All stare at Phoenix  
  
Phoenix: *turns everyone's ears into salamanders*  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Now, let's see. Irvine, you didn't give your show a name!  
  
Irvine: *After tenth glass of red wine* Huh? What?  
  
Phoenix: No matter, c'mon, why aren't you on the stage yet?  
  
Irvine: What stage? Where is it?  
  
***  
  
Irvine is finally onstage.  
  
Phoenix: Well?  
  
Irvine: Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh....  
  
Phoenix: Your show?  
  
Irvine: I didn't think of one.  
  
Phoenix: Whaddya mean, you had all day.  
  
Link: He spent it playing blackjack.  
  
Irvine: LIES! I played slots a little bit.  
  
Phoenix: Well you'll just have to think it up as you go.  
  
Irvine: Oooooooh my head. what if I can't think of anything?  
  
Phoenix: First we hurl fruit and vegetables at you.  
  
Irvine: Not too bad.  
  
Phoenix: Then you go to the alligator pit!  
  
Irvine: *sweating* Umm. *starts tap-dancing* Uhh. oh. yo yo ho, a pirate's life for me? Umm. Anchors away. my boy. anchors. away.  
  
Phoenix: I guess that can count as a show.  
  
Irvine: thankyougoodnight! *speeds off stage*  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Now, Cirque Du Hiei: Q  
  
The lights dim as Hiei's evil voice is transported across the stage.  
  
Hiei: Welcome mortals, to a land inhabited by creatures unlike any you've feasted your eyes on. to a strange place where your imagination will guide you through the darkness.  
  
Rob: *whispering to Bit* Aww. why couldn't we think of that line?  
  
The curtain draws and Yusuke showers the stage with spirit gun blasts. Hiei swings in on a trapeze full demon form. Link rides in on his horse, while Slippy swims over in a giant pool and Falco flies down from above. All freeze as camera stops.  
  
Link begins to twirl sword as all disperse.  
  
***  
  
After a sort of impressive array of stunts and acrobatics the group gets off stage amidst applause.  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Okay. final show! Every girl in: Hookers: A musical. title sounds interesting.  
  
***  
  
Every guy is staring breathlessly with giant eyes at the performers who are now leaving. There are a few seconds of silence.  
  
Everyone in audience: *begin clapping outrageously*  
  
Twenty minutes pass.  
  
Everyone in audience: *clapping harder*  
  
40 minutes later.  
  
Everyone in audience: *perfectly aware that the show's been over, but are still clapping*  
  
1 hr. 30 minutes later.  
  
Everyone in audience: *still clapping*  
  
5:00 a.m. .  
  
Everyone in audience: still clapping.  
  
Girls dorm:  
  
Leena: I really wish they would stop *grits teeth and covers ears in frustration*  
  
Boton: Well?  
  
Kaiko: You're a sick-minded bastard for making us go through that.  
  
Boton: Thanks! I'll be taking all the points then!  
  
Rain takes out a long dagger and holds it under Boton's chin.  
  
Rain: Like hell ya will!  
  
Boton: Fine I'll take half!  
  
SLICE! The blade is protruding out of Boton's head  
  
Rain: Oops! It looks like my hand slipped!  
  
Blood starts gushing out of Boton's head as her lifeless body falls over.  
  
Rain: That felt good.  
  
***  
  
7:00 a.m. .  
  
Everyone is still clapping.  
  
Finally everyone stops.  
  
Phoenix: Why the hell didn't I tape that?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Hiei: I just don't get it. the dislocated both my arms this morning but then they- I'll never understand.  
  
Dommon: Don't you see, it's not about understanding. It's just about being horny.  
  
Hiei: That's a nice way to put it.  
  
Phoenix: SHIT! Breakfast is in an hour and a half! I gotta fly! *disappears*  
  
Kuabara: I still can't remember how that joke went.  
  
Bit: Uh. yeah. none of us here can think of a snappy way to end the chapter-  
  
Sci: So we figured we'd. A one, a two!  
  
All: We go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong  
  
Remembered forever as shoo-bop sha whada whadda yippidy boom da boom  
  
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop that's the way it should be  
  
Waooo Yeah  
  
We're one of a kind like dip da dip da dip do whap de dobby do  
  
Our names are signed like boogy boogy boogy boogy shooby shoo wap shoo wap  
  
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop we'll always be like one  
  
Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-one  
  
When we go out a night (oh oh)  
  
And stars are shining bright (oh, oh)  
  
Up in the skies above  
  
Or at the high school dance  
  
Where you can find romance maybe it might be lo,lo,lo,lo,lo,lo,lo,love  
  
Ramma lamma lamma ka dingity ding da dong  
  
Shoo bop shoo wadda wadda yippity boom da boom  
  
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop  
  
Yip da dip da dip shoo bop sha dooby do  
  
Boogy boogy boogy boogy shooby sho wap sho wap  
  
Sha na na na na na na na yippity dip da do  
  
Ramma lamma lamma ka dingity ding da dong  
  
Shoo bop shoo wadda wadda yippity boom sha boom  
  
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop  
  
Yip da dip da dip shoo bopp sha dooby do  
  
Boogy boogy boogy boogy shooby sho wap sho wap  
  
Sha na na na na na na na yippity dip da do  
  
A womp bop a looma a womp bam boom  
  
We're for each other like womp bop a looma a womp bam boom  
  
Just like my brother is sha na na na na na na na yippity dip da do  
  
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop we'll always be together  
  
Waooo Yeah!  
  
We'll always be together  
  
We'll always be together  
  
We'll always be together  
  
We'll always be together  
  
We'll always be together  
  
We'll always be together  
  
We'll always be together  
  
Leena: SHUT THE HELL UP! *boot wacks Sci on the head*  
  
Fin.  
  
***  
  
Umm. yeah, sorry this took so long, I just finished. I was on vacation and stuff. Also deepest apologies for the I-don't-know-who-made-that-song-it- just-said-"Grease"-on-it song I put in at the end just now. I really despise that song. Which is why I put it in. Oh and thanks to notgoingtotellyou (?) and Shinimegame for reviewing!  
  
P.S. I didn't spell check this one so it probably has even more mistakes than the other chapters. 


	6. Day four or I like Rollercoasters :D

Anime Soufflé!  
Featuring video games Too  
(Simulcast in 511 Martian Dialects)  
  
Note: This is a long and somewhat boring chapter. If you wanna skip it go ahead, just make sure to read the updates at the end. Oh, and there's probably more typos than ever.  
  
The sun rises out over the tranquility of Island Island.  
  
Lizard on top of a rock: *crows like a rooster*  
  
Hey, give 'im a break he's just filling in.  
  
***  
  
The girls walk into the mess hall right on time.  
  
Leena: Uh. where's everyone else.?  
  
Phoenix: Probably still asleep. where's Boton?  
  
Rain: Oh! Um. she had an accident and met a tragic end.  
  
Phoenix: Right. Okay, everyone else is running really late. One minute. *makes giant airhorn appear* Might wanna cover your ears.  
  
***  
  
Dorm A:  
  
All are knocked out cold. Suddenly:  
  
*AIRHORN NOISE*!!!!!!  
  
Link: WAHHH!  
  
***  
  
All guys walk into messhall.  
  
Fox: ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US?!?!  
  
Phoenix: Usually yes, but not in this instance. have a seat, since I didn't get to distribute points yesterday, I'm doin that now. In first place for yesterdays event are all the girls. I've decided to award them with a hundred points each. In second is Argo's crew. Since 150 can't be divided amongst seven it looks like this: Argo gets 25 for thinking up the idea, Chibodee gets 25 for stealin the show, and the rest of you get 20. Then Hiei's crew each get 20. So, final rankings.  
  
1st: Puu.370  
  
2nd: Zelda. 300  
  
3rd: Kuabara and Krystal. 200  
  
4th: Hiei. 155  
  
5th: Rob. 150  
  
6th: Fiona. 115  
  
7th: Leena, Kaiko, Rain, Allenby. 100  
  
8th: Sci. 55  
  
9th: Fox. 50  
  
10th: Argo. 26  
  
11th: Chibodee. 25  
  
12th: Link, Yusuke, Falco, Slippy, George, Dommon, Van.20  
  
13th: Kurama, Irvine, Bit.0  
  
Phoenix: I think that's right (if any one who's reading this spots a mistake lemme know) Now, today can make a huge difference in all of this, but it will take nerve and bravery. After breakfast, follow me.  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Behind me is a room. It's divided into two halves, one is a square room with a large glass window. The other is a section of chairs facing the glass window. Everyone come and take a seat.  
  
All sit down  
  
Phoenix: *in mysterious voice* Today you will al be facing your greatest fears. It's not Fear Factor, it's simply being face to face with whatever makes your stomach all jelly-ish and stuff. It's simple, I'll select you by random (uh, I really did make a bunch of pieces of paper and really did put 'em in a hat), whoever is called, you'll go in unarmed to face your greatest fear. I've used my psychic powers to find out what they are. If you can't even go in, you forfeit. If you do go in, I put your fear in front of you and start the clock. Whoever can stay there the longest wins. Clear?  
  
Kaiko: Umm. is this life-threatening?  
  
Phoenix: For some it will be. If you die, I'll bring you back to life. Not that I'm feeling generous, it's just this is only day four, and I can't have you all dying. Right now, first to go is.  
  
All hold breath.  
  
Phoenix: *draws piece of paper from hat* Allenby!  
  
Allenby: *looking pale* Oh. damn.  
  
Phoenix: Just step through the door. *Allenby walks through* Okay then. I'll count to three then pull this lever. Once I do your fear will appear. Once you've had enough, just yell. One. Two. Three.  
  
Allenby's hair turns green.  
  
Allenby: AHHHHHH! MY HAIR! NO NO! I CAN'T TAKE IT!  
  
Phoenix: You want me to stop it?  
  
Allenby: *tears flying* Yes! YES! *Allenby's hair turns blue again*  
  
Phoenix: 0:00:04.56. not too much. *A few people help the shaking Allenby out* You'll never conquer your fear like this.  
  
Allenby: . i-it was h-orrible.  
  
Phoenix: Well *draws name* I'm hoping that :Leena does a little better.  
  
Leena: OH YEAH! I'm ready! Yeah!  
  
Phoenix: One. two. THREE!  
  
Leena's half of the room goes dark and a zombie appears.  
  
Leena: AHHH! Get away!  
  
Phoenix: Uh.  
  
Leena: *running away from zombie* No, no, I'll keep going.  
  
Zombie: UUUUU  
  
Leena: AHHH! Quit! Get away!  
  
Zombie: *reares head* UUU!  
  
Leena: *breaks down and cries* MAKE IT STOP I GIVE UP!  
  
Phoenix: 00:00:15.52 Now: Kaiko.  
  
Kaiko: No, no, not me.  
  
Phoenix: You forfeit?  
  
Kaiko: Uh. no. I guess I'll go through with it.  
  
Phoenix: Right. One. Two. THREE!  
  
Yusuke appear dying in a mess of blood on the floor.  
  
Kaiko: NO!  
  
All else: *starts sniggering, someone chuckles, then everyone laughs out incredibly hard*  
  
Kaiko: Shut up! Damn you!  
  
Dommon: Who'd of thought she was so sensitive? *in mocking voice* Oh, boo- hoo, boo hoo hoo.  
  
Kaiko: Fine, then I don't care! *crosses arms and turns away*  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Uh, it's kinda been a little while. ready to quit?  
  
Kaiko: Nope! It doesn't scare me anymore.  
  
Phoenix: Well, that's good. Congratulations, you've conquered your fear, your secured for 200 points automatically.  
  
Kaiko: Ha-ha!  
  
Phoenix: Yusuke, you can get up now.  
  
Yusuke: Thanks.  
  
Kaiko: You weren't dead?!?!  
  
Yusuke: Well obviously.  
  
Kaiko: WELL LEMME FINISH THE JOB!! *dives onto Yusuke*  
  
Phoenix: Right then, next is Kurama.  
  
Kurama: Hmm.  
  
Phoenix: Okay. In ya go, one, two, three.  
  
Jane appears.  
  
Jane: OH SWEEEETIEEEE!  
  
Kurama: NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Okay then, 01:25:36.72, but that's only because Kurama couldn't open his mouth for that long. Now honestly, that was scary, that was very scary. That'll be lodged in my mind for a long time. Chibodee, your next.  
  
Chibodee: Okay.  
  
After the counting, a boombox appears in the middle of the room. A floating CD titled The Ultimate 70's Collection goes in and starts playing.  
  
Chibodee: *starts breathing heavily* Okay, deep breath.  
  
Lynard Skynard's voice: SWEET HOME ALABAMA!  
  
Chibodee: Augh! Damn it! Please, not Blondie!  
  
Blondie: -a heart of glass.  
  
Chibodee: Shut up demons of the seventies! Just shut up!!!!!!  
  
Jackson 5: ABC! As easy as 123!  
  
Chibodee: *grits teeth* Shut up, shut up, shut up!  
  
The Doobie Brothers: What a fool belieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevesssssss!  
  
Chibodee: Okay, that's enough, I've had it.  
  
Phoenix: Well, you survived for 00:37:03.01  
  
Chibodee: Good 'nough for me!  
  
Phoenix: Fiona's up.  
  
After the counting and all nothing appears, but the walls of the place start getting closer.  
  
Fiona: Huh? *walls press closer* Oh no, *starts to sweat* Big, open, spaces, big, open, spaces.  
  
Walls come at a stop forcing Fiona to squat down and giving her no room to move in any direction.  
  
Fiona: Oh no! Oh no! AHH! Help! Big, open, spaces.  
  
Phoenix yawns  
  
Phoenix: *to self* should've gotten a little sleep last night *leans over on lever without knowing it*  
  
Suddenly the walls move in closer.  
  
Fiona: AHH! WHAT'S GOIN ON?!?!  
  
Phoenix is still leaning on the lever that makes the walls close in further.  
  
Link: HEY! Wake up!  
  
Phoenix: Night! *falls asleep*  
  
Fiona: Gah! Can't breathe! *walls move in closer pushing Fiona into a little ball* MY BACK! *starts sobbing* I don't wanna die*  
  
Irvine starts slapping Phoenix.  
  
Irvine: Get off the lever! You're killing her!  
  
Phoenix: No thanks, I couldn't eat another bite. Oh quit tempting me, you know I can't resist a helping of ear.  
  
The walls push steadily in.  
  
Phoenix wakes up  
  
Phoenix: Sorry, did I miss anything? *looks down at still pressed lever* Oh shit.  
  
CRUNCH!!!!!  
  
Phoenix: Whoops! *pulls lever the other way*  
  
Everyone looks away and make revolting noises.  
  
Phoenix: Hmm. that looks good served maybe on a sesame seed bun. a few pickles.  
  
Irvine: No! Bad Phoenix!  
  
Phoenix: I can't help it, fine I'll fix the pile o blood. *the pile of blood, crushed bones and organs turns into Fiona.  
  
Fiona: *opens mouth and closes it, repeats pattern for a little while, starts shaking violently*  
  
Phoenix: My bad. Tell ya what, how about 60 free points?  
  
Fiona: *nods head weakly*  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: *chooses piece of paper* next is. Falco.  
  
Falco: Piece of cake.  
  
Phoenix: Right then one, two, three.  
  
Jack Nicholson appears.  
  
Jack: Uh. hi.  
  
Falco: *eye starts twitching* Hi.  
  
Jack: .  
  
Falco: I Can't take it!  
  
Phoenix: That was awfully pointless. next is: Link.  
  
Link: Say, can we just skip this.  
  
Phoenix: Say, do ya like stayin in twelth?  
  
Link: No.  
  
Zelda: AH! I bet Link's scared of Ganon killing me!  
  
Link: Um. maybe.  
  
Phoenix: One, two, THREE!  
  
All of a sudden a giant newspaper appears.  
  
Newspaper:  
  
"It was discovered today that local Hyrulian celebrity Link was actually cheating on his girlfriend Zelda. Earlier today, a suspicious Ingo of Lon Lon Ranch after hearing noises coming from Malon's room, decided to investigate."  
  
"Yeah, well (Ingo, ranch-hand) I was a-walkin on up the stairs and I open the door and it's all dark, but Malon's bed was all movin and all, yeah? So I'm a sayin, I say, 'Malon, you okay' and she's says-a she says, and she's all nervous like, she says 'fine' so is says, I says to her, I says- do you understand that I'm speaking yet?"  
  
"The interview was cut short, it was later that newsgroups discovered the horrible truth. The Hero of Time was cheating on his long-time girlfriend Zelda. In an interview the heartbroken Zelda says"  
  
"I-I can't belie-v-ve it!!! This is-s j-just such a horrible shock, I don't think I can go on!!!"  
  
Another newspaper appears.  
  
"Zelda commits suicide! Citizens shocked, King infuriated. Though the method was uncertain it-"  
  
Another Newspaper:  
  
"Trial of Link set for-"  
  
Yet another paper:  
  
"Case lost, execution set for-"  
  
Another paper:  
  
"Angry citizens don't even protest unfairness of jury as all gather round the burning green-clad figure-"  
  
Link: AHHHH! *sobbing uncontrollably* MAKE IT STOP!  
  
Zelda: So if that's your greatest fear then........................ YOU BASTARD!  
  
***  
  
15 minutes later:  
  
Zelda: Sorry everyone, I kinda lost it.  
  
Link: *wearing body-cast* *taps finger*  
  
Irvine: I think he's saying *checks Morse code sheet*. I think he's asking for another dose of morphine.  
  
Hiei: No, no, he's says he wants a scorpion shoved down his pants.  
  
Irvine: You sure.  
  
Hiei: Trust me, I've been reading Morse code lately, ya know encoding messages to Tugoro-  
  
Yusuke: Say what?  
  
Hiei: Um. yeah. Ventura, that's what I said. ya know since. the making of Ace Ventura.  
  
Yusuke: Oh, I thought you said something about Tugoro.  
  
Hiei: *sweating* N-no course not.  
  
Irvine: Okay, I got the scorpion.  
  
Link: *taps finger like mainiac*  
  
Hiei: Uh. he asked for two.  
  
Irvine: Dear God, does your dick hurt to the point where you want it chopped off?  
  
Link: *eyes pop out* *taps finger even more severely*  
  
Scorpions: *snap pincers menacingly*  
  
Irvine: Okay, little buddies, get on in there.  
  
Link's eyes begin watering as several bloody spots begin showing through the body cast.  
  
Phoenix: Anyway, after that interesting massacre. Rob's turn.  
  
Rob: I don't think I'll go. Final answer  
  
Phoenix: It can't be that scary.  
  
Inside Rob's thoughts:  
  
Fox: WHADDYA MEAN PEPPY'S DEAD?  
  
Rob: Don't hurt me!  
  
Fox: *turns red as flames erupt around him* *in deep menacing voice* Rob. Roooooooobbb.  
  
Rob: No!  
  
Fox turns into a Furby.  
  
Furby-Fox: I'm going to spit acid in your eyes and blind you!  
  
Rob: NO!  
  
Fox turns into a large pile of red meat with wings sticking out and a turnip fused to the side.  
  
Fox: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIEDIEDIE!  
  
Phoenix: Rob, you need help, if this is- no you just need therapy.  
  
Rob: What are you doing here?  
  
Phoenix: Hello? Author powers? I've been watching the whole thing.  
  
Fox turns into a rabid hamster.  
  
Fox: *makes possessed squeaking noises*  
  
Back in reality:  
  
Krystal is madly slapping Rob who is covered in sweat.  
  
Krystal: It's okay, it was all a dream!  
  
Rob: WHA-!  
  
Fox: Hi Rob.  
  
Rob: LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!!  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Looks like Rain's next.  
  
Rain: Ummm. okay.  
  
Phoenix: 123!  
  
Rain is sitting in a cardboard box on a cold day in winter holding a jar and sign as city folks walk by.  
  
Sign:  
  
Will conduct scientific experiments for food or sex- consult about payment.  
  
Rain: Please find it in your heart to help an old young woman.  
  
Suddenly Dommon and Leena walk by dressed in fur coats. Each is pushing about eight double strollers.  
  
Dommon: Oh look darling, it's my old partner, Rain!  
  
Leena: Rain, how are you!  
  
Rain: Cold, poor, hungry, sick, and heartbroken.  
  
Dommon: Well I do hope that someone finds it in their heart to help you, so any luck finding a job.  
  
Rain: *in annoyed voice* No one needs a partner in the Gundam competition now, and there's not many other positions for a scientist these days.  
  
Leena is cradling a baby.  
  
Dommon: You just keep popping them out dontcha? Ta-haa! Who is this man who keeps on- OH WAIT! It's me!  
  
Both stroll off laughing merrily.  
  
Rain sheds a single tear which dramatically shines.  
  
Rain stands up to gaze at the moon that somehow came up in the last five seconds.  
  
Rain: Tomorrow, tomorrow-  
  
Phoenix: No!  
  
Rain: What?  
  
Phoenix: Na-ah, you can just forget it, if you're gonna sing Shirley Temple songs then your out!  
  
Rain: But-  
  
Phoenix: Nope! Case closed, leave, next person!  
  
Dommon: Wow Rain, I didn't know our relationship meant so much to you.  
  
Rain: Really Dommon?  
  
Sappy music starts playing.  
  
Dommon: Yeah, it makes me wanna- C'MERE LEENA! *record scratches as music stops*  
  
Phoenix: Before this gets any cheaper let's bring out. Sci-scici!  
  
Sci: Oh. I don't wanna go.  
  
Phoenix: Okay next is-  
  
Sci: No, no, I'll do it, but I sure won't enjoy it.  
  
Phoenix: That's the point kid, now get on up there.  
  
Suddenly, Sci's mouth is forced open and ten gallons of water are dumped in, then the room becomes a large pool with waterfall.  
  
Sci: AH! MUST- USE- BATHROOM! GGGAAAHHHH!!!!  
  
Majority of crowd: YOU CAN HOLD IT SCI!  
  
Even more water starts gushing out of nowhere.  
  
Sci: NO! NO!!!!!! I WON'T LET IT TAKE ME OVER!  
  
Mitternacht by E Nomine starts playing (it's a German Song and I really wish I knew what they were saying, but it sounds cool)  
  
Sci begins struggling.  
  
Darth Vader: I AM YOUR FATHER!  
  
Phoenix: I thought I told you to keep outta here!  
  
D.V.: You cannot keep me outta here.  
  
Phoenix grabs a machete.  
  
Phoenix: *licking fangs* Watch me! *chases after him*  
  
D.V.: MERCY!  
  
***  
  
Sci: URGH! NO!  
  
***  
  
Phoenix walks in eating a bloody sandwich.  
  
Phoenix: I miss anything?  
  
Luke runs in.  
  
Luke: YOU BUTCHERED MY DAD!!!!  
  
Phoenix: Ah, piss off.  
  
Luke: *draws lightsaber* I won't let that go unpunished!  
  
Phoenix simply puts a rifle over his shoulder and shoots Luke.  
  
Sci: I can't take it any longer, make it stop!  
  
All the water recedes.  
  
Phoenix: You held out for a while. Anyway, about time for lunch. Today, honoring fear day, we're having something special. He-he-he.  
  
Fiona: I don't even wanna know what you're gonna make us eat.  
  
Macaroni and cheese appears in front of everyone.  
  
Everoyne: YEAH! *all gulp it down*  
  
Phoenix: O O Why the hell aren't you even flinching? I find this remarkably scary!  
O  
  
All: *blink twice then begin laughing terribly loud*  
  
Phoenix: Well they say you lose many laughs by not laughing at oneself. but they also say BURN IN HELL YOU ASSHOLES!! *takes out flamethrower and torches everyone*  
  
***  
  
Falco: Was that completely necessary?  
  
Phoenix: Shut up already. Now up is. Kuabara.  
  
Yusuke: I'll bet someone everything this has something to do with kittens!  
  
Irvine: You're on, I need the money.  
  
Phoenix: 1, 2, 3!  
  
Suddenly a large worm comes out of the ground and starts chasing Kuabara. Kuabara draws his sword and swings it at the worm. The little shiny beam of light doesn't do that much.  
  
Yusuke: Hmm. I guess that means I lose.  
  
Kuabara: That sucks. Oh well, one more option. WAAAHHHHH! *runs away, goes about two steps before the worm eats him*  
  
***  
  
Irvine: Okay, Yusuke, you bet everything. One more item.  
  
Yusuke: Urgh. *starts taking off shirt* Why do you want this?  
  
Irvine: I just want to piss you off.  
  
Yuske: Bitch.  
  
Irvine: Uh. yeah. sure.  
  
Leena: Look, girls, we have our own stripper!  
  
Yusuke: Damn, this is one hell of a predicament. Puu, gimme, a hand.  
  
Puu flies right up in front of Yusuke, censoring him perfectly.  
  
Puu: Puu!  
  
Yusuke: Thanks.  
  
Puu: Puu, puuppity, puu puu puuuuu! Puu-puu puu.  
  
Yusuke: WHADDYA MEAN?! You'll fly away if each of them gives you 25 bucks?!? That's not nice.  
  
Puu: Puu!  
  
Yusuke: Profitable, yes, nice, no.  
  
Phoenix: AHEM! If we can get on with this, next is, Fox!  
  
Fox: Hi.  
  
Phoenix: 1, 2-  
  
Fox: Wait, I gotta think this through.  
  
Later  
  
Much later  
  
Even more later  
  
Incomprehensibly later  
  
Sometime in the space age.  
  
[Ya know when you look at the last few lines it looks like a hill, check this]  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------/----- ---\------------------/  
  
[It's a rollercoaster! not the dashes, they don't count]--|---------|------- ----------/  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------- \_____/__________/  
  
[Then They hit a pie and everyone died]-----------[}__________/  
  
[We like rollercoasters.] [To best view the rollercoaster, imagine that the dashes and the spaces between lines aren't there. It's only meant to be random humor, but it took forever to format]  
  
Fox: I've made up my mind!  
  
Phoenix: *restores us to the present age* Well goodie-goodie and what's your decision?  
  
Fox: I'm backing out!  
  
Phoenix: No your not, not after making us wait for an eternity  
  
Fox: But I don't wanna!  
  
Phoenix: 1 2 3!  
  
Suddenly Fox's dad, James McCloud appears and Fox turns seven years old.  
  
James: I said get your ass in that spaceship!  
  
Fox: But daddy, you know I'm scared of heights, flying, space, and guns!  
  
James: And do I look like I give a bloody damn!  
  
Fox: I don't wanna get in!  
  
James: Don't make me beat that ass with my belt!  
  
Fox: Daddy, why? Why do you do this to me!  
  
James: CAUSE I WANNA MAKE YOU A BAD-ASS BOY!  
  
Fox: But I just wanna grow up and be a professional teddy-bear stuffer.  
  
James: I SAID GIT YER ASS IN THAT SHIP!!!!  
  
Fox: I wish my mom was alive.  
  
James: I !!!!!!!!!CENCORED!!! NO ONE PARTICULARLY NEEDS TO SEE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then beat er until she was nothing but a bloody pulp on the ground, then I ate her alive just like that guy, uh, Hannibal Lecter!  
  
Fox: Oh my god, that's just gross.  
  
James: That's it! Now, I'm getting the belt- never mind, I'll use your pet dog, Fluffy!  
  
Fox: NO! He's my best (and only) friend!  
  
James: AH HA HA!  
  
***  
  
Krystal: Fox, you've got a cute ass.  
  
Fox: Um.  
  
***  
  
Fox: BUT DADDY I HATE THAT!  
  
James: You know this is the only way I can make money, and that's taking pictures of- !!!!CENCORED!!!! I'M SORRY BUT THIS IS JUST WAY TOO SICK! And posting them all over the internet, now pose! Just in the rare case that this is actually a reincarnation of your greatest fears being broadcast to a group of your best friends on a random fanfiction by some kind of nut, I'll give out the address. Look here, people, visit www.seefox*****************************.com enjoy yourselves!  
  
Fox: NOOOOOO!!!! MAKE IT STOP!  
  
Everything clears to see a full grown Fox lying on the ground.  
  
Phoenix: Ummm. right then.  
  
Krytal: Did you girls get that website?  
  
Leena: Right here.  
  
Fox: NO! Don't! AAAHHHHH! *runs away*  
  
Kaiko: I don't get it, we were only going to fanfiction.net to read Bloody Phoenix's awesome new fanfic!  
  
Phoenix: *to self* MUAH-HA-HA! The fools completely unaware of the hypnotical (why is my word processor saying that's not a word, it's a word right?) properties of that webpage!  
  
***  
  
Fiona: OOOOO. pretty colors.  
  
Phoenix's face appears on the computer.  
  
Phoenix: Listen to the sound of my voice, you will immediately type in your credit card number!  
  
***  
  
Kaiko: I mean we're not even perverted enough to see THAT.  
  
***  
  
Bit: Someone should give him counseling, how about me-  
  
All else: NO!  
  
Phoenix: I can kill him if he wants to commit suicide.  
  
Sci: You wish bro.  
  
Phoenix: If I wanted to you couldn't stop me, but I don't exactly care much. Let's just move on, next up is. Zelda.  
  
Zelda: Oh, my, I don't know what to say.  
  
Phoenix: *in droll voice* How about "let's get this over with, the chapter is getting a bit long."  
  
Zelda: Not completely what I had in mind, but, sure let's go!  
  
Phoenix: 123.  
  
The Ferret from those old Budweiser commercials appears (anyone remember those)  
  
Ferret: *talks in ferret squeaks*  
  
Zelda: Oh! Ferret, what are you doing here?  
  
Ferret: *squeaks some more*  
  
Zelda: A date? Well, you could've called but- oh, the hell! Let's go!  
  
"Hey Ma" by Cameron starts playing in the background is several photo-type- things flash across the room.  
  
Zelda and the Ferret are walking in the park, then at the movies, restaurant, etc. in each pictures. Then in later pictures they appear in the ferrets mansion in the Jacuzzi, at his bar, and in the bedroom.  
  
***  
  
Link's eyes pop out.  
  
Zelda: Well, well, well.  
  
***  
  
The music fades as Zelda starts speaking.  
  
Zelda: Oh, ferret, I wish tonight wouldn't end.  
  
Ferret: *squeaks some more*  
  
Zelda: I know you have to leave tomorrow, but it's not fair, why do you have to go to London?  
  
Ferret: *squeaks*  
  
Zelda: It's just not fair, what if we don't see each other again? It's so dangerous. Jack the Ripper II is roaming the streets.  
  
Ferret: *squeaks*  
  
Zelda: I know.  
  
***  
  
The next day, a train is leaving as Zelda sadly waves to The Ferret.  
  
Days pass.  
  
Days become weeks  
  
Weeks become months  
  
(It looks like another rollercoaster)  
  
Finally several years after The Ferret's departure.  
  
Zeda is standing on the train station.  
  
Zelda: He isn't coming back.  
  
Spitz at the station: Yeah, well, my master ain't been back in years too, sweetcakes, hell, I'm just pissed off, though, I can't wait to beat the little jackass's face in once he gets his ass back here.  
  
Zelda: Aren't you that famous dog from Japan, the one who waited for his dead master every day and eventually died?  
  
Spitz: Whaddya say bitch?  
  
***  
  
Finally a train arrives.  
  
Zelda: Ferret, you're back!  
  
An official steps off.  
  
Official: Madam, I am sorry, to tell you, you're lover is dead. It has taken years for me to get here to inform you. I am sorry. Later.  
  
Zelda: No. It can't be! NOOOO! Make it stop!  
  
Phoenix: *makes everything vanish as the crowd claps wildly*  
  
Kaiko: It's just so sad!  
  
Van: I can't believe it, it's just so beautiful, I can't take it! *bashes head into wall until it starts bleeding violently*  
  
Phoenix: Congratulations, a little strange, but a nice plot, you also lasted pretty damn long in there!  
  
Zelda: Thank you! Thank you!  
  
Link: *mumble mumble* *translation= fuckin drama queen slut*  
  
Phoenix: Um. sometimes I think I oughtta get paid for this job. Now, we have. Argo.  
  
Argo: The Russians have no fears!  
  
Phoenix: Oh please, quit Stallin, and get up there.  
  
Argo: Yeah, well, I'm kinda busy Lenin on this table.  
  
Irvine: Phoenix, Argo, that was the stupidest joke I've ever heard.  
  
Phoenix: Yeah, yeah, it really was.  
  
All is silent for a few minutes.  
  
Phoenix: Hey, wait a minute.  
  
Irvine: *sniggers*  
  
Phoenix: Takes out 10 gauge and blows off Irvine's arms and legs.  
  
Irvine: AHHH!  
  
Zelda: Irvine, quit bleeding all over me!  
  
Irvine: WILL YOU SHUT UP, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M IN INCREDIBLE PAIN AND SUFFERING!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Phoenix: Well, you can't call that pain, not until I shove these white-hot coals down your shirt, rip off your skin, impale you with long poles and have you slowly lowered inch-by-inch into acid, all the while dumping salt over your exposed body until you scream for death. We'll call this your greatest fear, take away any points you might've gained and then you'll be done. That's for pointing out how stale my jokes are.  
  
Irvine: .  
  
Phoenix: Okay, 123.  
  
The room fills with smoke and Argo plunges down. Then suddenly he lands in a TV studio.  
  
Live TV audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!  
  
Jerry: Welcome to the Jerry Springer show! I'm Jerry Springer! Today we have Russian woman: Natalya Gulski.  
  
Natalya: Jerry, I am very upset vith my hoosband Argo. It vas yesterday when I discovered that he vas cheating on me for a seventy-six-year-old vrinkly bitch!  
  
Jerry: I see, and how did you find this out?  
  
Natalya: Vell, as I vas walking from my job at the Communist renewal society (hail Stallin!) I saw at the park my Argo tongue-kissing the bitch.  
  
Jerry: Let's bring him out, Argo Gulski!  
  
Crowd starts chanting again, as Argo comes out and flicks everyone off.  
  
Jerry: Argo! What's this all about.  
  
Suddenly Natalya rushes at Argo.  
  
Natalya: You two-timing bastard!  
  
The big security guard grabs her and tosses her back into her chair.  
  
Argo: Well, what can I say? We both like the same things, and we love each other.  
  
Jerry: Let's bring her out, 76-year-old American Samantha Rodgers.  
  
Samantha: All I can say is *******************, bitch!  
  
Natalya: AH! *rushes at Samantha, once again is stopped by guard.  
  
Jerry: All I can say is that, Arog, we all think you're sick and *face turns into screwed-up demon thing* We're going to kill you!  
  
Argo: No I've had enough!  
  
Phoenix: Why'd you turn it off, it was just getting good. Oh well, now: Van.  
  
Van: *whimpers*  
  
Phoenix: Well, you don't have to go.  
  
Van: But I wanna win. I'll give it a shot.  
  
After the count-off Bit suddenly appears in the room.  
  
Van: Help.  
  
Bit: Oh Van won't you please-  
  
Van: No! You leave me alone! I won't stand for this, my body belongs to no one!  
  
Bit: *in gay seductive voice* But Van, you know you want it.  
  
Van: Oh no, I don't, burn in hell! Liger!  
  
Suddenly the blade Liger appears out of nowhere and Zeek immediately fuses with it.  
  
Bit: Um.  
  
Van: *presses button, and Liger draws blades*  
  
Bit: Hey, you know I was just kidding right?  
  
Van: Too late sucka! *impales Bit on blades*  
  
Bit: *makes choking sounds as blood flies everywhere*  
  
Phoenix: Ah, how sweet.  
  
All else: *give blank stare*  
  
The Liger tosses Bit off its blades then fires at his corpse repeatedly with the laser cannon as body parts fly all over the place and hit the glass separating the two rooms.  
  
Van emerges form the blade liger having transformed from kid-Van to adult- Van.  
  
Phoenix: Congratulations, you've conquered your fear and even more importantly, cooked my dinner.  
  
Van: Say what?  
  
Phoenix: That was the REAL Bit.  
  
Van: So, now I'm a cold-blooded murderer.  
  
Phoenix: Uh, yeah, you could say that.  
  
Van: ALRIGHT!  
  
Phoenix: George is next.  
  
George: I have no fear.  
  
Phoenix: *sniggers* Whatever. Get on in there. 123.  
  
Mary-Louise (anyone remember her) appears by George.  
  
George: Miss Mary-Louise, what are you doing here.  
  
Mary-Louise: George, haven't you heard, our parents have agreed to our marriage!  
  
George: What?! Wait a minute! No, no, no, this can't happen to me. Wait, you don't understand, I hate you. I means your just a kid and then- it just wouldn't work, but. Well, I mean, um-  
  
Mary-Louise: Oh, I just can't wait for the honeymoon! It'll be so romantic. What should we name our first child? Oh, my life has now officially begun!  
  
George: Please, Miss, you have to understand, we're just not right for eachother!  
  
Mary-Louise: Romantic nights under the stars.  
  
George: WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?!?!?! Listen to me for a moment. I do NOT want to marry you. I would rather spend the remainder of my life just doing it the un-honorable way with a bunch of street prostitutes.  
  
Mary-Louise: OH! Fine then. If I can't have you, no one can, either off with your head, or come to my bed!  
  
George: You just had to do that. You just had to make it rhyme? Well, let me see. I pick- no, no, wait, that's even worse, well I suppose, hmmm, what to do. AUGH! I can't take it!  
  
Phoenix: Then I'll make it stop, this is already the longest chapter yet. We're down to the final five. And. it's Yusuke.  
  
Yusuke: Hooray. I have no fears, for I am Yusuke, spirit detective extraordinaire!  
  
Phoenix: And I am bored, extraordinarily. Let's go already, hurry up, 123.  
  
Yusuke appears on American Idol.  
  
Simon: Well, are you gonna sing?  
  
Yusuke: Um. I'd like to do my rendition of Beautiful by Christina Aguilera.  
  
A few terrorizing minutes later.  
  
Simon: Okay, I'll skip the sarcasm and just say, YOU SUCK! Do you know that yet, you suck! I mean, I've seen people who suck! But you, you just suck! I'm not sure of I've ever seen anyone who sucks more than you do. On a scale of one to ten, you suck ten! You suck so much that trees just fly in your mouth.  
  
About an hour later.  
  
Simon: And if there were ever anyone to suck more than you do, than God, kill me now.  
  
Even later.  
  
Yusuke is in tears.  
  
Simon: Suck, suck suck suck-suck, suck suck! SUCK! SUCK SUCK SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!  
  
Yuuske: Well, your just mean! WAHHH! *runs away*  
  
Phoenix: I take that as a "I can't stand it". My, what a revealing day, I'd never have thought that my favorite anime and video game characters had such random boring, and retarded fears. You all just need therapy. Badly. Alright Slippy, get up there. As you all can plainly see, I've lost interest in this chapter.  
  
Slippy: Bring it on!  
  
Phoenix: What? I'm sorry, I can't understand, your voice, it's too gay, I don't know what you're saying!  
  
Slippy: *frowns* Let up on the sarcasm and just bring out my fear.  
  
After the counting a giant fly appears in the middle of the room.  
  
Falco: Whoah. That's really ironic.  
  
Slippy: . AHHHHHHHH! *runs away and is immediately eaten by fly*  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: That was pretty funny. Oh, this'll be interesting. Puu's up.  
  
Puu: Puu?  
  
Phoenix: You're really gonna back out. Be a spirit beast, face your fear.  
  
Puu: Puu.  
  
Phoenix: How unexpected, Puu wants to back out. Is that your final answer?  
  
Puu: Puu.  
  
Phoenix: *thought* I'll just sneak into his brain and find out what it is.  
  
***  
  
Phoenix is lying in a heap on the floor.  
  
Rob: The hell?  
  
Phoenix: The horror.  
  
Rob: Get over it, what are you talking about, you didn't even go anywhere.  
  
Phoenix: YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND, ANY OF YOU! YOU'LL NEVER SEE WHAT PUU AND I HAVE SEEN!!!!!  
  
This horrible secret fear will continue to torment an innocent spirit beast's mind unknown to anyone but two individuals. Two individuals who are just part of the sequence, the sequence whose formula will only equal: The Twilight Zone.  
  
Phoenix: You guys used to do that sequence a lot better, that one was just really lame.  
  
Writer for The Twilight Zone: Oh, yeah, you try this job buddy, you just try this job for one day. HUH? HUH? *starts foaming at the mouth* YOU THINK YOU GOT IT ROUGH, YOU THINK YOU GOT IT ROUGH?  
  
Phoenix: You're just on shrooms, aren't you?  
  
Writer for The Twilight Zone: . *breaks down* Yes, yes, I admit it, we're all high, we just want to quit, but it won't let us!  
  
***  
  
Phoenix: Hi, okay, we're down to two people, first: Hiei.  
  
Hiei: HA HA HA! You people just watch!  
  
After the count, Eukena appears.  
  
Hiei: Hi.  
  
Eukena: *suddenly rips apart to reveal a alien slightly resembling the first boss from Zelda: Wind Waker* This is my true form, now prepare to fight!  
  
Hiei: *unleashes dragon which simply bounces off of alien thing*  
  
Eukena: *eats Hiei*  
  
Phoenix: What is that, the third time some giant worm-alien-scorpion-giant fly thing has eaten one of you?  
  
Kurama: Hiei, why don't you just tell Eukena that you're her brother?  
  
Hiei: Because, I know what she is, she's an alien here to kill us all, kill us I say, kill us good! *starts foaming at the mouth* BU I KNOW WHAT SHE IS, AND I WON'T LET ER, YA HEAR?!?! I'LL BE PREPARED, UNLIKE YOU ALL, AND THEN SHE'LL KILL YOU HA-HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Kurama: You definitely need a chill pill.  
  
Phoenix: Okay, it's almost done. Krystal's up.  
  
Krystal: And I'm gonna kick butt!  
  
To make a long story short, she went in and got eaten by yet another worm- alien-scorpion-giant fly thing.  
  
Phoenix: WHAT IN THE HELL IS YOU'RE ALL'S OBSESSION WITH WORM-ALIEN- SCORPION-GIANT FLY THINGS?!?!? Okay, sorry, well, it's over. I would write what happens to you people now that you're free until dinner, but we don't have the time, and we barely have the disk space. Well, I guess we still have the disk space, but we don't have the time, so I'll award points and be done with it. 1st goes to Kaiko and Van for each conquering their fears. Zelda gets 2nd for her dramatic (and long) soap opera/fear. And 3rd goes to Sci, for holding out his fear a long time. Here's the final listings and Good-Night!  
  
1st: Zelda. 450  
  
2nd: Puu. 370  
  
3rd: Kaiko. 300  
  
4th: Van. 220  
  
5th: Sci. 205  
  
6th: Kuabara and Krystal. 200  
  
7th: Fiona. 175  
  
8th: Hiei. 155  
  
9th: Rob. 150  
  
10th: Leena, Rain, Allenby. 100  
  
11th: Fox. 50  
  
12th: Argo. 26  
  
13th: Chibodee. 25  
  
14th: Link, Yusuke, Falco, Slippy, George, Dommon. 20  
  
15th: Kurama, Irvine, Bit. 0  
  
I think that's right. If anyone sees a mistake, review and tell me about it.  
  
Okay, sorry, this chapter was so long, and sorry that some of my jokes and puns were stale and sorry that school is about to start. Which reminds me, everyone knows that's the worst time for writing and since I'm starting back in the next few days, that means that my updates will be few and rare. I'll try to get out chap 7 sometime during the 22 or 23 or before then. If I can't, then it's not my fault. After then I'll try to update about once a month or more. I don't know if too many people are reading this, but if you actually like it, then bear with me and understand that it's gonna be pretty tough.  
  
[keeping the faith], Bloody Phoenix.  
  
Later update:  
  
Okay, this is several hours after I typed this out. As it turns out every time I type in a [dot] [dot] [dot] my word processor performs an auto- correct function and though it still looks like a [dot] [dot] [dot] it appears on fanfcition.net as one dot. This plus a few other problems has made this fanfiction hard to read right now and I'm trying to correct it as I type this. (does anyone else use Microsoft Word and have these same problems?) If there were any times when it didn't make sense why I put one dot in a random place, make a note to yourselves that it was meant as a [dot] [dot] [dot].  
  
Later update:  
  
Okay, I've finally corrected the problem, but I'm really pissed off, about it, once again, all times when a dot was out of place it was meant to be a ... (did it work just then, it should have)  
  
Later update: Okay, I've sorted out the updates and let's just say it took awhile. It doesn't look good at some parts, but you'll have to make do. This took me forever, so at least enjoy it. 


End file.
